fall is my favorite.

while it seems impossible for me to evade stress longer than quarter hour intervals, i'm really fucking happy its finally autumn. i guess i never really realized that this is my favorite season. being a bratty spoiled lil piglet, i always presumed summer was the best - school was out, then it was tommy bartlett time, then it was suntanning on the rooftop, unemployed benders with the crew. . . but after this past summer, my energies of youthful regrets went ignored. instead i complained about the heat and cursed the upstairs neighbor with control of the central air thermostat. hid in my dungeon basement unit, only crawling out for the occassional free show or pitchfork. but now that it's autumn, man oh man.

something about the cool breeze at night. the smell of the rain. the chill up my spine in the morning when i finally crawl my lazy ass out of bed. not to mention that nothing makes me feel sexier or more confident than wearing a pair of comfortable skinny jeans, sneakers and a cozy zip up hoodie. for a while i tried to fight this boring ass girl-boy style, but now i relish in it. too bad i cant get hitched in my acid washed forever 21 jeans and my pixies hoodie. . . oh well, the pin-up bride motif i got rockin will have to do, i spose. . .

something about the season takes me back to being 14-15 in argyle. god, i actually kind of miss that place. i would love to go home for a 3 day weekend, but with all the upcoming events and life changes, don't think i can swing it. maybe in january. . . i miss kicking dirty ass moldy wet leaves in my cara beth burnside signature skater vans. drawstring brown baggy jeans from maurice's, and my red and black zip up flannel. blue lipstick. unplucked eyebrows. flat chest. infinity angst and burning scorn. writing desperate letters of desire and affection for an escape and a love in my 9th grade journal. the days when i swore that sublime, beastie boys and blink 182 all tied for best band ever award. (not drinking, ever). pretending to be a skateboarder. working nearly every single highschool football game concession stand to raise funds for whatever miscellaneous nerd club i was involved with happened to be sponsoring that week. going to the goetz theater in monroe. wal-mart.

it seems as if my life finally began in fall. in the year of 1998, was it? 1997? not sure. it was one of those, though. and then suddenly i blinked and all of highschool was ancient history. and then college. and now here i am in chicago, 5 years plus going strong. about to get married. working a big girl job. wondering what will come next. already got a new cat. (thank god). cats are awesome. ANIMALS RULE. i wish i could still pull off blue lipstick (or maybe begin to pull off, not sure i rocked it right the first time around). i wish my fashion sense still consisted of oversized bad alterna-band t-shirts ordered from music mail catalogues, vans sneakers, feather boas, super tight bra-less camisoles, plastic vests and baggy jeans. i was a fashionista.

and i didn't give a damn. i worked my little ass off bussing tables. writing poetry. yearning for more.

now i do give a damn. still working my (no longer) little ass off, but this time in politics. at least politics of the office sort. not really writing poetry. not really yearning for more. i mean, sure i want - but my wants have changed. instead of dreaming some big bold aspiration of moving across the world and becoming super famous and rubbing it in every asshole hater/hateress's faces - i now just want a kitty/boyfriend snuggle party. and maybe some bubblebaths every now and then. (and a new apartment!!!)

but anyway. fall is my favorite. i better enjoy it while it's here. i only have a month before it's time to hang up the rooty ways and settle on down for good. and then it's jamaica. who the hell wants to come back to chicago in november after a week at a tropical getaway honeymoon? not this girl.

man, i wish i had some apple cider and a good ass book and my dude to cuddle up to right now. oh well, this rain fragrant breeze and holey ass rainbow afghan and biting kitten are a second win, i spose.

done rambles. sleep now.