strange little girl.

exhibit a: witchcraft, torment, conflicted tori - 90's win


i dug out a copy of the 2001 tori amos cover album 'strange little girls' at the radio station tonight. found myself drawn to playing the title track, cover of the 1982 single originally performed by the stranglers. as i frantically googled research, so i could sound half way articulate and composed during my on-air break, i learned that amos actually made a music video for this single, and it slowly came back to me. i was a freshman in college, at the university of wisconsin river-falls. i had a bad hackjob lesbian haircut, and wore all too many bright plaid pants. an unmentionable 19 day stint with an eyebrow piercing. way too much blue mascara. garbage and veruca salt posters, rip outs rather, from spin magazine, taped to my bulletin board poster wall in my concrete wall dorm room. but my real heroine/rock goddess of the time, was of course none other than myra ellen amos.

this got me thinking about my former vhs copy of her greatest hit music videos that i had picked up at laurie's planet of sound, long before the days that i had trashed my vcr to move into yuppie lakeview. the collection was pretty decent, but did not include any of her work post boys for pele. not that this is discounting much, although songs from the choirgirl hotel and to venus and back were noteworthy releases, as well as the aforementioned said covers record above.

but there was something about her videos, the kitschy 90's angsty cheese. the cringeworthy epitome of my awkward youth. thinking that smeared black eyeliner, red, tossled hair and razor sharp passive female aggression would make a difference, be the voice for all womenkind done wrong. to that, 29 year old me in 2012, retorts a loud LOLZ. tori, you reek of 90's camp. i find myself drawn/stuck to the 90's, as much as i try to stray and move on, somehow similar to the generation above me who still jams to van halen and def leppard. nirvana/tori amos/pixies, hell even a handful of songs by juliana hatfield, stone temple pilots, smashing pumpkins - still stick with me. this past weekend i even copied my old POE (lolz) cds, as well as green day's dookie, to my husband's encouragment to my iPod.

angsty cheese or not, i liked amos more when she was troubled. a colleague at the radio station tonight overheard a track i was playing from rotation by nas, which featured the late amy winehouse. 'i miss her,' she sighed. i turned around, 'but why though? sure, she had a nice voice, but her drug problem was worse. say she stayed alive and conquered her addiction to alcohol/drugs, then what?' and i thought about it, what would kurt cobain be doing if were still alive today? or jimmi hendrix, bradley nowel (now im just throwing random iconography rock dudes out there who i dont even particularly care for, just to prove a point). would these musician idols still be conquering their craft? or would they be overweight, bloated, used to bes, lucky to have a gig at ribfest in chicago some 15 years after their prime, still milking that dollar to put food on their tables? (ala poison, motley crue, or fuck it, even 10,000 maniacs who i just saw an advertisement on the metra bridge for playing some douchey street fest at damen/roscoe in september). the point is - noone's interested if there's no conflict. tori amos eventually got over her conflict with religion, moved on from her rape, and evolved from her miscarriage - to eventually marry a man, have his baby, and name her future albums after spiderwebs, beecatchers and other boringass adult contemporary bullshit. give me the writhing, church masturbation and bewitching tortured howls of little earthquakes anyday. i can't, won't and flat out refuse to listen to her new material.

reason being? happy people are boring. pop culture, and hell, even general fans of music, want torment. they want conflict. they want anger, sadness, lack of hope. that, or they just wanna hear about getting wasted, laid and whatever other bullshit chris brown or phonyass shitnugget bands like fun are spewing about.

so tori, she has quite the collection of music videos. and they're all pretty terrible. but i fucking welcome them on tuesday nights when i'm curled up in bed next to an obese cat named beans, patiently waiting for my sick husband to come home to bed. i guess this is as pg-13 as my personal torment gets these days, but at least i can cringe, reminiscing on tori's former days of awespiring agony.

'i got a bowling ball in my stomach, a desert in my mouth. figures that my courage would choose to sell out now.' - you tell 'em, homegirl.

exhibit b: here, tori gets bullied by a matchbox wolf and rocks her 'alt' little girl hair-do


exhibit c: one of my fave tori tracks, we find miss amos blindfolded and hogtied in the woods. will she survive?


exhibit d: tori looks bangin' in her club gear. but did she try to kill this little girl with ADHD by igniting her collection of aquanet and locking the doors?


exhibit e: tori takes her fascination with salvador deli, pick-up trucks, merry go rounds and raisin bran. torment? angst? just awesome, duh.


exhibit f: best powerpoint bathtub intro to any music video OF ALL TIME.


exhibit g: as in god save us all, this is what happens when someone becomes 'happy'.

movin' on up.

it's really strange to realize that the month of august is almost behind us, and that summer is coming to a conclusion. even more odd, that we're 75% done with 2012. time flies, as they say.

it's been one helluva rollercoaster ride this year, with many bumps in the road - but despite a rocky first half, life's been pretty damned swell and dare i say, smooth sailing since health issues have been put to rest. family is well, marriage is excellent, kitties are fabulous. the hubs & i just signed a lease yesterday, so as of october 1st it looks like i'll be relocating to my former hood of Lincoln Square - directly across from the cardinal (my favoritest liquor store bar OF ALL TIME), and mickey d's (imlovinit). the apartment itself is quite the find, more spacious than our current crib - cheaper, and while the commutes to our respective jobs will tack on an additional 15-20 mins or so, the overall ambience of the area is much more our style. funny, how, when i lived in lincoln square for my first 4 years in chicago, i wanted to be anywhere but there. there weren't bars or boys in the yuppie baby infested village (which ironically enough, after wearing a double ring set of my own for nearly a year is EXACTLY what i'm looking for--the lack of boys and bars, not the infant infestation -  we're not quite there YET).  we'll live closer to friends and family, and actually have a tree lined street. my cousin and sister will be rooming together as well, a short walk away. we'll finally be able to dust off the unopened slow cooker and have actual family dinners. is it odd that this excites me 20 times more than going to see a show these days? because it totally does.

on top of the new neighborhood, i also recently transitioned shifts on CHIRP. many of you are familiar with my radio show already, but instead of rocking up friday evenings, i started my new air shift same time (6-8pm CT) on tuesdays 2 weeks back. it's still taking a little bit getting used to it, (i keep thinking its my weekend on tues nights now - ugh), but overall it's great - no more weekends held hostage that i could be leaving town (as if that is an actual frequent reoccurrence), and i can come straight home after the work week vs. having a 13 hr day. still keeping busy with CHIRP, and have been enjoying flooding the format with more 80's/90's and soul tracks as of late. for new music, i'm really digging the new spoon/handsome furs/wolfparade/new bomb turks project Divine Fits. Yes, it's dominated by Britt Daniel and sounds like a catchier poppier Spoon record, but cmon, after their last record I needed some reinforcement that Daniel's still got it in him. Might take the hubs to catch Ariel Pink at Metro next month, and have got tickets to see Beach House in October as well as HALL & OATES at Ravinia Labor Day Wknd. Am def looking forward to getting my Daryl & John on. (in other words, i am so so so old. and so so so white).

looking forward to planning a trip for our one year anniversary in early november. no concrete destination picked yet, but i'm leaning towards a 3 day beach trip in mexico again, and the following week in chicago to just bum around and not work.

instead of focusing on music (outside of chirp anyway), i find myself getting more and more excited about my skills in the kitchen. i was embarassed to admit that i shelled out ten bucks on a casserole magazine the other day, and was being heckled by some gal pals who spotted said publication on my counter. they can laugh it up, however, when i'm getting my glutton on with my recently perfected chicken artichoke spinach florentine.

writing this blog makes me feel kind of boring, to be honest. in the past i always wrote to reveal hurt/drama/troubled pasts. sort of a therepeutical outlet. (or to rave about new albums/shows). but like tori amos, the older i get, the less troubled i am, and the more pg 13 my ramblings become. this may feel/sound boring - but in all actuality, it's anything but. my daily adventures with my husband and feline friends have made me the happiest, most fulfilled human being i have ever been my 29 years.

it's a good year. with 4 more months before we unravel a new year with new change, i fully intend on making the very most of it, and enjoying my newfound middle class yuppiedom. instead of new tattoos and concerts, i'll be baking and catladying my happy ass off.