reason 5,999 why the go! team is the best ever.

my gay former step dad (the monster).

my mom called me the other day. 'so it's official,' she sighed, taking a drag on her cigarette.

'what's official?' confused, my mom has a tendency to lean towards drama.

'him. he's got a boyfriend now. it's all over facebook.'

my mom, trying to be strong and remain cool, unaffected. here's a woman pushing 60 who doesn't even know how to leave a voicemail message on her answering machine, let alone use a computer or navigate a facebook page. and despite the difficult past year and a half that she has led, she's still standing on her own two feet. single for the first time in 21 years. completely independent and not having anyone else relying on her for the first time in 42 years - no children or partner needing her financial and emotional support to get by day to day. no pets.

both my brother and i grew up without fathers. neither of us have ever met our biological fathers, and neither of us ever considered any of my mother's suitors a worthy replacement enough to refer to some man as 'dad.' i guess i had a closer excuse to that of a father figure than my older brother did, mom having been with this particular man for 21 years. age 7 to adulthood. but that monster was never my dad. i guess in college it got easier describing him as my 'step-dad' to people who didn't know him personally vs. 'my mom's fuckhead asshole live-in boyfriend.'

i never liked him. maybe it was the time he chucked a bag of m&m's at my leg, splitting the candied pieces and bruising my thigh and calling me an 'impatient fucking little bitch' when i was 7 and asked for a snack.

maybe it was how he encouraged my mom to have 'just one more' drink. or maybe it was how he called me a 'worthless fucking cunt bitch' on my 16th birthday after i failed my driver's exam. it could have been the time he threw me down on the floor and chased me with a chair, threatening to slam it in my face when i neglected to take my laundry upstairs in a timely fashion. oh, or the thanksgiving i surprised my mom with a visit from college and he locked me outside in the below zero temperature without a jacket. that was a good time. or the time i came home seeking comfort after an instance of sexual abuse and he told me to 'quit being such a selfish cunt' because i was upset that he and my mom went out bingedrinking instead of my mom spending the day with me.

he had a temper problem. always so angry. so fucking out of control. he would break things. slam cabinets until they fell off their hinges. shatter glass windows. scream and scream and scream. yell so hard he would foam at the mouth and spit in your space. break everything. i finally hardened up around high school and would never sleep without a secret knife tucked under my mattress in my bedroom. i dont' know if my mom ever knew about that. but i had to watch my back. and phones. i would never leave my room int he midst of one of his fits unless i had a cordless phone with me, with the '9' and the '1' entered, thumbing the second '1'.

he tried so hard to get me to call him dad. my mom would try to guilt me into sending him fathers day cards, which i never did. even at age 7/8, i was so puzzled by my mom. why did she choose him? why, when he would say these incredibly offensive slurs to me, would she stand beside him? wasn't i her baby? wasn't i good enough for her love? how could she be with someone who called her little girl a cunt?

i'll never know the answer to these questions. but being an adult now, and having found myself in some less than ideal relationships, i guess i can empathize with how love can make you blind. maybe. but still.

that never changed my love for my mother. despite her poor taste in men, she was still all i had. i was lucky enough to have one incredible older brother who would step in when necessary and play the parental role. buy me christmas/birthday presents. tell me he loved me. congratulate me on good report cards and cheer me on at my track meets, school plays. when mom would be drunk/passed out. when her partner would encourage her alcohol/drug abuse.

the fucker crossed the line. anyone who knows me personally knows the jist of what went down. asshole had a temper tantrum at his work. lost his job. mooched off my mothers' $12/hour temp work salary. maxxed out credit cards to pay the mortgage. lost their house. started hanging with some young boys. got beat up (multiple times). got arrested for drug possession. beat up the young boys. got arrested again. beat my mother up. got arrested again. turned her world upside down. got arrested again.

she's been on her own without him in her new house since december, while they've been split up really for over a year.

apparently he got a facebook page. you can look him up, brent duckwitz, a real winner. with his meth face and yellow teeth. he's in a domestic partnership. and is interested in men.

so i guess my former-abusive-step-dad-but-not-really is gay. my mother's ultimate humiliation. he's slurring her name all over facebook. referring to her as a drunk and 'crusty.' if i ever see this man in person ever again, EVER. i don't think i'll be able to hold back my claws. that knife that was stashed under my mattress however many years ago, he's somehow managed to get his hands on and delve into my mother's pride and being. it makes sense, i suppose, where all of his unnecessary anger was stemming from. from this denial to admit who he really was his entire life. he was married for years before my mother too.

i hate him. so much. my mom is better off now. she might be lonely for a while. and embarassed. and sad. but at least now she is safe. and her eyes have opened up. but i have to say, when she started choking her sobs and muffled over the phone, 'jodi you were right all along, i should have listened to you from day one. . .' it wasn't the 'i told you so' gratification i had so yearned for in high school.

fucking facebook. fucking assholes. fucking life. just let my mom be.

i can't remain angry forever. but still. god. damn.

it's not going to stop. until you wise up.

tonight i stood in the rain for what felt like an eternity. but it wasn't. in actuality, it was probably more like 28 minutes. the bus tracker currently stuck on '2 minutes' or 'arriving now,' whereas it must have been the ghostbus from ghost world because that shit never came. i was in a really strange mood. not gloomy. not sad. in fact, if anything, i've been on a really great path lately. seeing things for what they are. phases in my life leading in more appropriate directions. more positivity. sans manipulating mind games. you know. wake up call. and it turns out it's pretty nice to be awake.

but seeing the rain. it wasn't cold. it wasn't warm. it was steady, quiet, and real. the white flashes of sky lightning, without any jagged bolts. just flashes of white, illuminating the dark sky. the wetness reflecting the christmas hues of red and green from the stoplights onto the surface of slick ashland avenue. the desolate streets without their typical traffic. the wetness in the air. my glasses smeared, and foggy from the rain. still i stood alone in the bus stop, waiting, patiently for once if you can believe it, for the forever delayed number nine.

after my recent download music kick, you'd think i'd be in paradise with my ipod. pop in some old animal collective, some gritass tyler the creator, pepped up go! team or fuck, even that new guilty pleasure lady gaga single. but nah. instead my thoughts turned to the apathy and numb void of yesterday and i hypnotially rolled that wheel up to my a's where i landed on aimee mann. the magnolia soundtrack. this film. this soundtrack. so fucking heavy. yet, these songs of hers strike and affect me unlike any other female songbird. i never really had any personal memories or instances that these would allude to, nor do they remind me of anything in particular. but recently, on that goddamn busride through the snowtacular of northern wisconsi last weekend, i had some time for massive overdue personal reflection. these songs played on shuffle.

wise up. it's a message. to all of those in need of a new personal path. i guess this was me, a month or so back. stuck on this circular path of self destruction, intentional or not. knowing i needed to 'wise up' and face the music. the future. and step into a new pattern. which i did. and now in retrospect, i realize it wasn't just me who needed this education, this straightening up. it's so fucking cliche and lame, i know this. but come on. it's not going to stop until you fucking grow up. and if you don't take chances, you're doomed to lead a very miserable existence. after about 7 consecutive listens to this track, i yearned for yesteryear. the days of argyle, wisconsin. where it would rain and rain and rain and rain. and i would sit on that damned stoop on 503 north state street. and maniacally run into the bare streets and scream. throw my body down the hill into the park across the way. get sopping wet. dirty. and just lose myself.

i really wanted to run into the streets of chicago tonight. not to get hit or anything, there were barely any cars present. but just to lose that grasp of reality, the struggle of balancing pain and pleasure. of knowing what's right and wrong. of having to feel. i just wanted that release. and to just escape the world. even for five seconds. but the flash of lightning brought me back. and the song eventually changed onto 'save me' which then brought me to the present day. of how i am where i am now - emotionally, professionally, physically. i'm in a very good place. it's not always simple every step of the way, but for the first time in my adult existence, i feel confident and assured that things are as they should be. i smile more than not. i'm comfortable. i look forward to tomorrow. even when stress is running rampant, i know that everything is going to work out. i've found my strength. that slap in the face that i neeed for so long finally came, and now my eyes are wide open.

i have finally allowed myself the privilege of happiness. but i still sit here in my bed, curled up with my cat in my feet, holey flannel cocooning my body, wishing that things hadn't evolved in the ways they have. people have been hurt in my life recently and i almost feel guilty or ashamed that i'm doing so well. my mother has called me a few times in the recent days and i wish there was something i could do for her. my friends have undergone some shitty personal times and i feel bad that work makes me so exhausted that i'm unavailable for friend/shoulder to cry on movie nights. i feel bad for things out of my grasp and control. is this the control freak in me? perhaps. i would be lying if i said there wasn't a tiny part of me that wasn't still angry. angry with the world. with individuals. with circumstances out of my reach. angry that i'm angry. but as each day passes, i begin tofeel a stronger wave of calm. i'm ok with things. i'm allowing myself this rite of happiness. taking the path that feels right.

in 2.5 weeks i'm going on vacation with someone that makes me fucking happy. typically i wouldn't splurge on last minute impulsive trips to mexico, but what the hell. after the year i've had, i fucking deserve it. i think it's karma, or something. i was blinded for so long, that i finally wised up. took care of myself. got my life back to pieces. and now it's time for me to reap the rewards.

i guess, what i'm getting at is that it's not too late. after my own personal do-over, i realized there's still opportunities. for second chances and new beginnings. just know, it won't stop. until you make a change.

which is precisely why i did not run into the rainy streets this evening. but instead, bit my tongue, and eventually changed my iPod to the new radiohead album instead.

dizzy spells of musical infatuation.

animal collective pretty much blew my mind 2 years ago. merriweather post pavillion nabbed my top pick of 09 records, and i'll admit i never really paid much attention to back homework for past releases. nor did i focus on solo albums. but the minute i popped in panda bear's latest single off his upcoming release 'tomboy' at chirp last friday, i've been screwed. noah lennox's swimmy, disoriented ambient dizziness is a spell i can't shake. 'last night at the jetty' is one of several hot jams with the jodester right now. even though the girl with green hair who lives above me is having some rough sounding sex right now, i don't care. not even slightly annoyed. because this ditty is on and it makes me want to swim in the dirty rain heavy streets of chicago. just chill. cannot wait for this record. if you wanna stream it, its at p4k. if you wanna trust my indiesnob judgement, i've attached a legal free download link for you here.

sometimes?

sometimes i run, sometimes i hide. sometimes i put awesome bitchin' heart signs high above my head. sometimes i deserve assholes to pollute my aura. other times i deserve total awesomeness to unsuspectedly infest my life.

right now i just feel like a choad. britney spears suxxxx. but this song reminds me of highschool. and sometimes, baby all i need is time. other times i just need a dreamy beach brah to toss a football alongside me on the beach.

right now i just need a vacation.

thankgodforawesomeboyfriendsandpuertovallarta.

a dedication.

when i was 14, i had it in for this dude. it was some total romeo and juliet kinda ish. he was the 'wrong side of the traxxx' sorta dude. i was the 'not really white trash but sorta' kinda tween.i wore long skirt dresses and had bushy eyebrows. outgrew my deliah's dark blue goth lipstick phase but hadn't quite adjusted to the contact lens kinda spurt. pretended to almost wanna skateboard. not quite hick-punk, almost there.

i remember buying third eye blind's 'semi-charmed life' single on cd. it came in an orangey yellow kind of cardboard sleeve with a cheap black plastic pull-out disc holder. they bleeped out the part about doing 'crystal meth until you break' verse. that was funny, because landis and i  totally knew what they said. we were hardcore like that. stephen jenkins was sort of my dreamboat. (funny, how this preceded my mark hoppus infatuation period but stemmed after my post antonio sabato jr. phase).

i remember this dude i really dug when i was 14. my first real date. or series, really. he's a solid dude. i still talk/know him to this day, although regrettably i haven't spent much time with him or talked to him as much as i should. we lead different lives. followed different paths. perhaps i knew this was our route back then when we first met, but somehow some odd 14 years later we still know one another, and i sincerely wish him the best. but yeah, damn. time passes. and quickly. i met him at a  classmate/friend's wedding thing, at least that's what i think it was. we talked until 5 am, which is a long fucking time for a freshman in highschool. it was in monroe, wisconsin, at some ghetto ass townie motel.

i don't remember much except for innocent punching and sorta not really smack talk flirting. we eventually had a secret makeout session under some baseball field bleachers about a year later when i was a whopping 15 (learned how to pluck my eyebrows, but still into blink 182). it was secret, though. for whatever reason. all i can remember is something about a camoflauge mini dress, ugly yellow platform boots, a bad movie at the goetz theater, and throwing my icecream cone on the ground. even then, i was smooth. mad moves, sweetie.

the next few years were a bit tumultuous. if that's a word. he was the first dude that bit me by the love bug. a lot has gone down since that day. but i remember between the icecream throwdown and the baseball dugout makeout sesh, (still bushy eyebrowed jodi), listening to this song after i purchased the 3eb cd and watching the vid relgiously on 120 minutes, thinking bout this dude. cursing myself, 'HOWS IT GONNA BE'  and just wanting, waiting, watching to run into him to silently mouth the lyrics, whether it be the mcdonalds drive-in in monroe, walmart, or his cousins trailer park.

here i am, 15 years later. and still applying this song to past dudes. the thing is, they don't deserve the right to this teenage angst. if i were to pick one guy to prove my dedicated angst to, with my bleach blonde back up bassist and bald sweet sungalsses bro to jam to, no dude i've known since i was 19 deserves this credit. i kinda wanna mouth to every ex homeboy "hows it gonna be, when you dont knoooow me, ' but i know it already. its gonna be you snooze you lose whatever dawg. whereas, to my 14 year old boo, i still think of you dude. you have a wife and child, and i am eternally grateful that you finally found happiness. like, legitamatly, cuz let's be real, we were'nt supposed to be. even in 9th grade.

but i am happy i got to experience raw emotion at14-15. and here i am, 28, and still reflecting fondly, to 3rd eye blind's hows it gonna be. no anger, resentment, bitterness, exactly how it should be.

to all yall post dudes, sorry, but even though itd be righteous to dedicate this noise yer way, you dont ruffle my feathers enough. you dont deserve my stephen jenkins blue eyed noise. i will only stalk junior high ex-boo's elevators with my 1990s alternative backup band.

jodi & molly - separation anxiety, the february edition.

so after the snowpocalypse of 2011, (fuck the snow, i'm more bothered by this cold shit), i had a pretty busy weekend/week. too many consecutive days without my furrball and gushy, comfy bedzone.

it was pretty badass, though. family time was pretty kewl.

example A: kronos

example B: the maternal unit

then before i knew it, i had to rush off to seattle for business shenaniganry. kinda was dreading a trip solo (don't ask me why), but i wound up having a super fantastic time.

Example A: super sweet view from my hotel balcony



Example B: got to spend time with an old (new) friend

Example C: BABY pac-man (duh)

Example D: SECKSI PINBALL

 Example E: room service, bitchezzzz

Example F: Last Minute Dinners with Old Pals

But really, even after beautiful lukewarm temperatures, super soft hotel beds, free food & entertainment up the wazoo, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't super happy to be back in frigid, hellacious Chicago. And there's one very obvious explanation. . .

Example A: miss mols

jodi hearts you the mostest mixxx

on account of my shitty vaio refusing to burn cds, im afraid only a very select handful of individuals will get the smeary glitter glued, lacy, hand written playlist versions of this year's heart day mix. i tried to embrace technology and upload the playlist on mediafire for those of ya'll not copping a hard mix. (sorry dude/ttes, i suckkkk).

i still heart you the mostest though! ain't nobody else nerdy enough to make a v-day mix for you luverlies! feel free to cop it hurr: http://www.mediafire.com/?ruv0ycdh2gfec

p.s. if you wanna hear me ramble times a thousand and play volume 1 & 2, i am hosting a valentines day specialty luv fest on CHIRP! this friday, 2/11/11, 6-8 pm central time. hope ya'll can tune in. lemme knows if yer listening and i'll even dedicate some sappy ditties in yer honour.

xoxo

miss jodi robin root (hearts you the mostest)

Jodi Hearts You the Mostest Valentines Mixxx (v2.0)
1. Outkast - Happy Valentine's Day
2. Wolf Parade - This Heart's On Fire
3. Beck - Think I'm In Love
4. The Bird & The Bee - Kiss On My List
5. Pixies - Gigantic
6. The Postal Service - Such Great Heights
7. Jose Gonzalez - Heartbeat
8. The Morning Benders - Excuses
9. The Cure - Just Like Heaven
10. Robyn - Indestructible
11. Mazzy Star - Fade Into You
12. Band of Horses - No One's Gonna Love You
13. Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros - Home
14. Nicki Minaj - Your Love
15. GAYNGS - Faded High
16. Mariah Carey - Always Be My Baby
17. Blur - Tender

business time.

it's 11 pm and i can't sleep. had a really great weekend. family time was more than tolerable, it was dare i say, enjoyable? the puppybowl is still awesome. as is pizza party. tenting adventure with foot paddling static electricity. good company. and while i'm tuckered out and sleepy, the non-stop chaos which was muddling up my head prior to the weekend is slowly returning and bogging me down.

i guess i just need to view it as business time. throw on some swagga and just get my jodi suit on. gotta catch my plane to seattle in 9 hours, giving me approx. 5.5 hours of sleep now before i manically flee to o'hare and play business woman. first travel adventure of several in the works. jodi root: office manager to the stars ( or maybe just doctors, but stars sounds more fitting).

i gotta quit drinking champagne on sundays. (or do i?)

wish me safe travels, g. it's business time.

wisconsin pride: weezy edition.

so normally, i could give two shits about football. b/c like, who cares? wisco breed, chicago transplant. bears are pretty cool since they got the superbowl shuffle, but lil wayne has officially bumped the packers to my first choice new faves. this track rules. it's officially the most obnoxious pro-sports endorsement joint i've ever heard. but i fucking love it. i played this song for my mom, brother and 12 year old nephew post spotted cow binge this weekend and the commentary was hilarious.

brother: (perturbed: 'the packers are green and gold, not yellow,' (scoffs), 'jodi, how dare you play music with the N word in my house?')
mother: 'he's shitting on his shoes?? why is he shitting on his shoes??' me: 'no mom, he's shitting on fools, not his shoes.' mother: 'oh, that makes more sense i suppose.'

nephew: (shakes his head and says nothing).

self: drunkenly slurring, 'yeaaaah!! green and yell-ow, green and yell-ow!'

so. much. fun. here's to another 365 days of being obnoxious and pumping this jam 24/7.

go pack go.
What up? I got Nosk in here with me
This ain’t a diss song, but uhmm
Yeah, uh-huh, you know what it is
I’m a cheesehead, y’all n-ggas Cheez Whiz
Pittsburgh Steelers, thats nothin’
That Super Bowl ring, thats stuntin’

Pull up in your town, when you see me you know everything
Green and yellow, Green and yellow
Green and yellow, Green and yellow
I put it down, representin’ for my team
I’m in green and yellow, Green and yellow
Green and yellow, Green and yellow

Money green, yellow broad
Aaron Rodgers, MVP award
This is Green Bay, bitch we go hard
This is Packer Country, where ya green card?
Terrible towels, that shit’s borin’
We got the ball, you know we scorin’
Yeah, and thats how we rockin’ heavy metal
I’m up in this bitch wit’ more Bloods than a blood vessel
Pitt goin’ down, say hello to the devil
Just beat the Bears, now we got the Steelers on the schedule
Yeah, no love for ‘em boy, break ya hearts
We gon’ toast these n-ggas, pop tarts

Yeah, uh-huh, you know what it is
I’m a cheesehead, y’all n-ggas Cheez Whiz
Pittsburgh Steelers, thats nothin’
That Super Bowl ring, thats stuntin’
Pull up in your town, when you see me you know everything
Green and yellow, Green and yellow
Green and yellow, Green and yellow
I put it down, representin’ for my team
I’m in green and yellow, Green and yellow
Green and yellow, Green and yellow

Got a call from my homie, this just in
The Packers in the Super Bowl and they better win
They call him Big Ben, but he weak though
We in Dallas, but we Lambeau Leap hoe
Long hair, don’t care, Clay Matthews
We shittin’ on these fools, no bathroom
Yeah, got a pocket full of big faces
Throw it up, touchdown on Ike Taylor

Yeah, uh-huh, you know what it is
I’m a cheesehead, y’all n-ggas Cheez Whiz
Pittsburgh Steelers, thats nothin’
That Super Bowl ring, thats stuntin’
Pull up in your town, when you see me you know everything
Green and yellow, Green and yellow
Green and yellow, Green and yellow
I put it down, representin’ for my team
I’m in green and yellow
Green and yellow
Green and yellow
Green and yellow

Uhh, big Gs on the helmet
Steel Curtain? What is that, velvet?
And if we win, I’mma throw a Super Bowl party
And blow a cigar like Vince Lombardi
I’m in Wisconsin, smoking Amsterdam
Yeah I’m from New Orleans, but I been a Packers fan
We knocked the Eagles and the Falcons and the Bears off
Now we ’bout to cut Troy Polamalu hair off

Yeah, uh-huh, you know what it is
I’m a cheesehead, y’all n-ggas Cheez Whiz (Go Pack Go)
Pittsburgh Steelers, thats nothin’
That Super Bowl ring, thats stuntin’
Pull up in your town, when you see me you know everything
Green and yellow, Green and yellow
Green and yellow, Green and yellow
I put it down, representin’ for my team
I’m in green and yellow, Green and yellow
Green and yellow, Green and yellow

Uh, go Pack go
Uh, go Pack go
Uh, we yellin’ go Pack go
Yeah, like I said, this ain’t a diss song
I just love my team, that’s the team with them big Gs on the helmet
You know what it is, Oh yeah, Young Mula baby

soundtrack to the post apocalypse

memememememeemeeee!!

last minute show swap tonite, kiddos. tune into tonite! (thurzdaze, feb 3) from 6-8 pm central timezzzz. im feeling in a kinda sweet mood tonite, so expect some upbeat polite jodifer action. (although next week, fri 2/11 is where it will REALLY be at when i have my valentinez day special).

www.chirpradio.org

was snowbound yesterday. trompled thru snoMOUNTAINS to work today. booked a last minute biz trip to seattle (only costing $800 for travel!) for monday. family weekend 2mrw. OMGMYLIFEISSOFASTPACED.

so yeah, slow down and catch up with me the only way you'll be able to, over the air.

i'll c u when u get there.  - coolio