it's a sunday, my 2nd least favorite day of the week. it's that dreadful, nagging sensation, biting in the back of my brain, that tomorrow is monday - my 1st least favorite day of the week. like, hurry up, you had your fun, kiddo. it's time to do your chores. get your shit together. and then start the monotony of adult civilization all over again in T-XX hours. Yessss. . .
Oh well, for a sunday it ain't so bad so far.
I've got lil Princess Mol Mol curled up on my lap like a lil orange fuzzball. Sportin' my fave holey sweatpants and ridiculous lisa frank inspired design hoodie. hair's piled in its usual ratnest mess. got a pot of extra dark bolivian syrup to my right. listening to my fave album, charlotte gainsbourg, in hopes of getting all sorts of inspired to write a review for MoB.
i need this coffee to kick in, quickly. so i can push out 600 or so words verbalizing how amazing of musicianship is represented on this collection of tracks. it really is pretty superb. an eloquent sequence of electronic-y, folk(not really), gentle songs. but i need to describe it in a way that doesn't sound as pussy as that just did. cuz it ain't pussy jams. it's just the perfect sunday soundtrack. which is what i'm hoping today turns into.
i'm just rambling now. . . in hopes of being like, ok now my fingers are a typing quickly, words are more fluid, thoughts are organized, blah blah blah. it's sunny outside. i can see the shadows of the bare tree brances in the silhouettes atop of the brick apartment to my right. that reminds me that tomorrow is already february 1st, crazy that 1/12 of 2010 and the first year of this new decade is already complete. crazy. to think where i am today, who i am, my "progress" in life.
last night i got drunk with a friend and we watched the pathetic excuse of a "video" from my high school graduation. the "video" was really no more less than 25 minutes of a shitass powerpoint presentation of baby pictures of kids i happened to spend 13 years of my life with in grade/high school. as i saw each person, i thought, where are they now. who have they become? do i even give the slightest resemblance of a shit? no. not really. but the one's i do know about, at least according to facebook or whatever gossip my mom relays to me is that 89% of them are now parents, are married, and are teachers or bankers or something or another. point is, most of them are either where they want to be and have peaked - found their lifetime goals/partners and are on their path, or at least are headed in their desired directions.
then there's me.
i wasn't in any of the group pictures. i wasn't smiling, surrounded by the other 10 or so girls in any frames with the exception of my 7th grade cheerleading photo or maybe in the background for some theater group shots. i kind of always did my own thing. and here i am now, nearly 27 years old, chugging this lukewarm coffee in hopes of getting inspired to do something for a creative outlet, give me some sort of purpose to accomplish something. . anything. am i better off? absolutely. i'm not really the family kind anyway. but the idea of returning for a 10 year high school reunion is terrifying to me. i don't anticipate being in any group photo shots. while everyone else passes out family portraits from k-mart or whatever, i'll be like, hey did you see the blog i wrote for? that kind of makes me relevant, right? "WHAT'S A BLOG". it doesn't matter. i have tattoos. that's cool, right?
hmmm. 10 years ago, you woulda asked me, hey jodi what will you be when you grow up?
i really, truly, had no idea. and now i realize i still don't. noone ever warned me it'd be like this. i kind of like it, though. gives me that sense of adventure or whatever, i just need to get over my own sense of apathy and fucking take advantage of it. no boundaries. no limits. just me, doing what i do as shit lies. so what the hell is stopping me?
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