2010 - i'm back again.

this year was a very odd 365 for yers truly. looking back, it's pretty crazy that it's at its close already. it's like, what the hell did i do this year? where did the time go? holy shit. let's backtrack here, shall we? obviously - the biggie for me was losing my job this past february. another victim statistic in the economic downfall, being laid off was the weirdest experience i think i've ever endured. looking back in retrospect, it was the best thing that could have happened to me. i was burnt out at that company, and as much as i learned and took away from the position, there wasn't room for any additional opportunity or growth. i was tired. and cranky. and the general atmosphere of that particular office was perpetual poison. but i wasn't a fool - there was no way i could have walked away from my steady salary, title and benefits. so the fact that that ship sank (and ironically, was just bought up into a sister company), and i was hauled offboard in the first round of layoffs, was a blessing in disguise.

but man oh man, were the last 9-10 months a fucking whirlwind. countless days of despair and apathy rotted away into nothingness. laying in bed for 14 hours straight. multiple night boozing benders. more self destruction than my early 20's. just overall loss of control. and anyone who knows me personally, can attest i am a control freak. so having no control, well. let's just say i wasn't myself.

that's not to say some good didn't come out of the whole time. because  a lot did. i finally networked. i began writing and secured a lot of connections. got published. interviewed great bands. got my name out there. i became involved with some local music promoters and the congress theater. even last night, i worked a shift, made some pocket cash and checked out edward sharpe. cheap labor = free shows. muy bueno. i also finally stepped up and joined CHIRP. back to my radio roots and it feels fucking fantastic. i never thought i'd be behind a mic again, and here i am, 5 years after my days of radio mayhem. i've stepped outside my circle of insecurities and 'there's no way anyone would want me involved' scaredycatness and made an effort. and it's paid off. i write for 3-5 site/magz/blogs regularly. i'm on the radio. i work the chicago live music scene. life is good! and if i had been rotting in my dead-end job, there's no way i would have stepped up.

i met some great new people this year. friends of friends and peeps through events and said extracurricular activities above. in addition to new friends, i've become better accquainted with old friends. i moved in with my childhood bff/neighbor who i hadn't seen in nearly ten years. it's been a fucking fantastic living situation, exceeding my hopes. it's like we're family, a slightly dysfunctional one, but a family nonetheless. i moved in next door to a pal from college who i just know, 5 years later, have gotten to know more personally on a deeper friend level. i've reignited former friendships and while some are coming across more slowly than others, i have faith that things will work out as they're supposed to. i consider myself incredibly blessed to know the people i know, and even though i may come across as a deadpan bucket of sass and assholyness, i promise you i appreciate you. if you've ever been inside my clusterfuck of a bedroom, then chances are you've seen your face taped up on the wall by my full length mirror. my photostripcollagemayhem. my shrine to ya'll, my luverlies.

my mom's had a pretty rough year. with her separation from her boyfriend of 23 years, the dude was pretty much a monster to her. broke her down emotionally, physically and mentally. my mom is one of the strongest women i know. stubborn, bullheaded, but fiercely intelligent and warm hearted. she was just taken advantage of. and this asshole, the fucking year of pain he's put her through, boils my blood at just the thought. especially with his latest venture of breaking in and pushing her around. well guess what? that was just the final piece. dude got his ass thrown in jail, my mother got a restraining order and the whole fucking community in my hometown came to her side when i couldn't. they packed her shit up and moved her into a new house within 24 hours. fucking incredible. my mom is an amazing person. her strength in this situation of her separation never ceases to amaze and inspire me. if she can move on and pick herself up, well, shit. helps put things in perspective. her life is finally being turned around. she's started over. on her own. and she's well. this is also fantastic news.

the past 9 months had some pretty dark moments and some pretty crazy joyrides. i've fallen in and out of love and back in it again. i've felt betrayed and betrayed others. i've been selfless and selfish. didn't necessarily take the best care of myself. it was like my 'finding yourself' journey i've never really had. the lack of employment forced me to get to know me, what makes me tick and what makes me fall. spend some time figuring out what i want and need. spend some time figuring out what i DONT want and DONT need. moving forward. looking back. my mind is an overanalytical fried up machine. i've made some mistakes. but i've come back up for air every time. i think i'm finally on the right path. the first time i've gone without a job or regular routine. thrown completely out of sync. but i made it. the year is nearly done and i'm still here.

oh, and yeah one  more thing. i just got a job. like, a really good one. i dont' know what it is about the medical field that keeps sucking me in, but this is the third professional opportunity i've stumbled into involving the medical world. as some of you may know, i began temping with a company a month ago, on the first of november. i had no expectations. low temp wage, basically making the same as what i had on unemployment. was it worth giving up the security of free money for the last few months? what if i hated it? what if the assignment suddenly terminated? I was broke, no cushion. after the first day it's pretty safe to say i despised it. it was not at all what the staffing company said it would be, and even they didn't hype it up to any amazing standard. i was seriously thisclose to not returning for a second day. somehow, i've magically been able to turn it all around. i proved myself as a valuable asset as a self-starter and proposed several new initiatives. i went above and beyond what the average employee had been doing. my manager noticed. i got my official job offer last week. the salary/benefits/perks and job description are beyond what i could have ever imagined or hoped for. i work on michigan avenue near the tribune building. my cube overlooks the lakefront. i'm in charge of internal marketing, project managing training and quality assurance. people listen to me there. it's a challenge day-to-day and so far i fucking love it.

my self esteem and overall feeling of worth has risen exponentially in the last month. i'm using my brain again. my confidence is carrying me into my next chapter and i finally feel optimistic and at peace.

2010,
you were a pretty tough cookie. but you know what? you were also the optimal test. i may have flunked out on some of your tricky pop quizzes, but it seems i got an overall passing grade and have since graduated.
2011, bring the mother fucking noise.
love, jodi