honey, i've gone away

i realize more and more each passing day, that i'm getting older. not in the sense like, boo-hoo, i'm no longer a young, energetic foolish kid who has all the freedom in the world - but more in the sense of, 'i wish it was a monday night so vin and i could curl up on the couch and watch the bachelorette.' basically, i'm turning into a 30-year-old homebody. one who talks to her cats more frequently than her girlfriends, and sad as it is to admit, kind of prefers it that way. going out and participating in social events is getting harder and harder - not because i don't have opportunities or can't afford it, but because again, cuddles and the comfort of a husband and home is much more inviting than plastering make-up on my face, getting all decked out and then having to answer the inevitable, repetitious, 'so jodi, it's been forever - what have you been up to? what's new?' a harmless enough question, no doubt, but the inquiry always draws a blank. luckily for me, there has been no new drama - whether it medical, family, work related or otherwise; and other than drama, like i said, i don't get out too much, so there's never really much to say/do. so i always force a smile and mutter something about marriage being wonderful (because it is), cats being awesome (because they are), work being work (to put it lightly), and that everything's great - nothing's new. and unless i plan a vacation, or we decide to plan a family, i have a feeling thing's are going to remain on this track indefinitely. the weirdest part, however, is that I LOVE THIS LIFE. i love just hanging out at home --cooking, reading, playing hair-tie fetch with the kitties, drinking vodka tonics at home on friday nights. it's amazing. probably boring to most people, but i'm the happiest i've been in my entire life. if anyone would have read me this blog entry to myself 2 years ago, i'da burst out laughing and blurted out some crude obscenity in disbelief. but 27 year old jodi, is not 29 year old jodi. and as entertaining as my former self was, i'm pretty content the way things are today.

that being said, i did actually have a somewhat eventful week this past. vincent and i did our best to attempt and man up the hype that is pitchfork yesterday - despite seeing wild flag (whom i love), and some friendly faces i haven't seen in a while, i can honestly say it's going to take one hell of a lineup to get me to return. something about selling raffle tickets (which sucks enough as is), in the torrential downpouring rain, it just wasn't my thing. then when the hubs joined me, it still wasn't the same. we all but forced ourselves to get our asses to get to the empty bottle to catch ty segall perform for renee's birthday outing. bradford cox of atlas sound/deerhunter stood right behind us, and i didn't give two flying fucks. jodi from 2 years ago, woulda been all over it - asking for an interview or a picture and blowing up her twitter feed. jodi today was like, 'meh his face isn't as ashy grey as it was during his performance, what a phony.' but back to the show, come 1:00am or so, maybe 3 songs into ty segall's set, and we were in a cab, back home so vincent could get a few winks of sleep before his 7 am shift at work the next day. i was grateful. i cannot stay out in drunken crowds anymore!

if only every show was like the one i saw this past tuesday night. . . a sit down theater, with beautiful architecture, lighting, clear acoustics, and a straight on view of the stage. i paid $90 for my ticket, which is the most i've ever spent to see one sole performer, but i can say without a doubt it was worth it just to sit down alone, let alone the view and remarkable performance.

the show i'm referring to, of course, is fiona apple. she recently released her fourth album, the idler wheel is wiser than the driver of the screw and whipping cords will serve you more than ropes will ever do. it's pretty much the best album of 2012 (sorry, beach house). i've listened to it countless times since it was pre-streamed on npr a week before i copped it on vinyl. and i've never yet tired of it, discovering a greatness in the layers that i didn't pick up on previously with each recurring spin.

i had a cousin date, with the lovely miss staci, a fellow fiona fan. after consuming an over priced meal and cocktail at a typical downtown bar & grill, we guzzled a fifteen dollar cocktail at a hotel bar just across the street from the chicago theater. heading to the show, the venue was buzzing with aging hipster fiona fans like ourselves. maybe one gentleman for every 15 ladies. after procuring $6 dollar plastic cups of wine, we made our way to our seats, which were row F (6th from stage), on the main floor to the right of the stage. we were pumped. we tolerated the opening act, which was some dude who played in fiona's band. not bad by any means, and under different circumstances i may have even enjoyed it - but let's be honest here, everyone was READY to see miss apple show us what she's been up to the past 7 years.

she finally took to the stage around 9:15, an hour 45 after the show had been scheduled to begin at 7:30. to make up for it, fiona wasted no time with introductions or niceties. instead, the band dived right into it, with the addicting percussion intro from her sophomore album's lead single, 'fast as you can.' i immediately was 16 again, speeding along highway c in my rusty red ford tempo, between argyle and monticello, to visit my highschool boyfriend keith. getting so caught up in the piano infused tribal banger, that i wound up scoring a $125 speeding ticket from the county patrolmen. fast as you can, indeed. (apparently the fastest i could go was 72 mph).

next up, another gem from when the pawn hits --album opener, on the bound. again, amazing and super nostalgic. i liked where this setlist seemed to be heading, with older yet solid tracks, that never made a huge impact in the mainstream realm.

third on the list was fiona's first ever single, released in 97--shadowboxer. again, i was consumed with memories from yesteryears. this time i was 12 years old, sitting in the carpeted basement rec room of george henner, watching music videos on mtv (yeah, they used to do that), on a summer afternoon with a handful of other ex-patriots. fiona's sultry, black and white images crossed the television screen, and i remember watching her work the piano keys, wishing i could make my piano sound like that, not fully wanting to admit i was taken with this single (bc these were the warren g and montell jordan days, people), but still being involuntarily mesmorized by her vocals. the live interpretation had me equally taken.

still - never saying a word to the audience, apple and her band continue to seamlessly flow through more tracks--paperbag, anything we want (her first new song in the set), get gone,  sleep to dream. the one song i had my fingers crossed for was sleep to dream, as i fell head over heels with her live rendition from her mtv unplugged performance however many years back. so much so, that particular version makes a frequent appearance on my weekly radio program. again, so much fucking raw energy and passion. how one woman, that is so small, could create such a monstrosity of sound, will always be beyond my grasp of comprehension. the band was immaculate as well - stand up bass, light but heavy percussion, pounding pianos, light keys and organwork, guitar - it all blended so well. sleep to dream was also where apple started to get a bit weird, concluding the track with a convulsing, angry spit scat of sorts. very animate. and then during the lengthier instrumental breaks, it was as if apple didn't know what to do with her hands - or her body - or herself. so naturally, she began twirling her legs into a pretzeled, possessed like state of contortionism. (literally). whatevs, she still belted that jam out hard.

after sleep to dream, i really didn't care what apple played. but she kept me on the edge with adrenaline and enjoyment, anyway. extraordinary machine (complete with vaudeville like falsetto), werewolf (my personal fave from the new record), tymps sick in the head song--which started off calm enough, but ended in another eccentric body twist to the floor jig, complete with an incredibly rowdy musical concluder. daredevil (ok, maybe this is my personal fave from the new record), the intimate i know slowed things down a notch, with apple crooning the microphone in lavendar lush lighting, reminding us that she really is just a sad, loveable girl. every single night, not about love - featuring apple SCREAMING over her piano mic, just in case we weren't convinced that she's NOT ABOUT LOVE. ok, borderline discomfort - is she ok? carrion-an oldie, but a goodie. (honey i've gone away). back to the days of  being 13 again. criminal- of course, the standing ovation. unrecognizable cover, a song about make believe, but good - need to look this up post show, would love to cop a copy of this performance on mp3. fiona really should put out a live album - unlike the many artists who release live performances as a cheap shot to fulfill their contract with a record label, or just to make a few more bucks, apple's live interpretation of her works is indeed magical, unlike the recorded versions and much more effective.


maybe it's because we see it with our own eyes? her twisted, insecurities and overwhelming sadness. it wasn't until after the last song that she meekly thanked chicago, and said a few following words into the microphone which were inaudible due to the crowd's roaring appreciation, and she stepped stage left, never to be seen again.

it was a magical night, one i won't soon forget. i walked out feeling fulfilled, drowsy, and a little sad. i've grown up with the music of fiona apple, and she's served as my older sister of sorts, sharing her own personal tales of failed relationships and resentment. somehow reassuring me that it happens to the best of us, and we'll all move along. it's sad, though, to see that apple, who's only a few years my senior, is still that sad, little girl she was when she was 17 with the release of tidal. don't get me wrong, her music has transcended eons of maturity and complexity, as have her lyrics - but she still strikes me as a sad and lonely woman, with many skeletons lurking in her haunted closet. as a music fan, i do have to admit, this is to my advantage. noone is listening to tori amos now that she's married with a baby - she was at her peak in the early 90s when she was writhing on her piano, crooning about the pain from her rape, miscarriage, war with God. now that she's happy she's wimpering about butterflies, spider webs and other bullshit. suck city. not fiona, though. she's still twisting around her demons, sharing them with the world.

for that, i would like to thank her. i hope for your sake that your life does pick up, but if not, please do continue to recycle your turmoil for my listening pleasure. and thank you, for getting my 30 year old cat lady fatass out of my apartment on a school night, keeping me out until 11pm, a rare and infrequent occurrence. come back to chicago anytime, i will gladly shell out another 90 dollars, hell, maybe even 100 next time. and thanks for making my favorite record of 2012--someday i hope you can find your own homebody counterpart to fulfill your void.

thank you fiona, for continuing to be my female musical heroine.

1. fast as you can - (when the pawn)
2. on the bound - (when the pawn)
3. shadowboxer - (tidal)
4. paperbag - (when the pawn)
5. anything we want - (the idler wheel)
6. get gone - (when the pawn)
7. sleep to dream - (tidal)
8. extraordinary machine - (extraordinary machine)
9. werewolf - (the idler wheel)
10. tymps (the sick in the head song) - (extraordinary machine)
11. daredevil - (the idler wheel)
12. i know - (when the pawn)
13. every single night - (the idler wheel)
14. not about love- (extraordinary machine)
15. carrion - (tidal)
16. criminal - (tidal)
- encore -
17. it's only make believe (conway twitty cover)