no news is good news. good news is even better.

as my friend jenny said, 'i'm taking no news as good news,' when she left me a voicemail the other day. to those of you who have extended your thoughts, kind words and support the last couple of weeks, thank you. your tremendous outpouring of support was overwhelming. many of you have shared your own personal journies with me, and it's times like these that i realize how truly privileged i am to be in such good company of wonderful people.  jenny was right - no news is good news. or good news is even better news.


i am happy to report and share with you all, that i am 100% cancer free. the last couple of weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind, both medically and non-medically speaking, so i apologize that it took me this long to post an update. the biopsy 2 weeks past, sucked. like, big time. it was 1000% the least fun thing i've ever done in my life, but probably one of the smarter and pro-active adult initiatives i've completed at the same time. while my poor little lambs are still a bit banged up and bruised, i'm happy to say that it's one hell of a relief to know that this whole cancer scare nightmare is almost behind me.

i say almost, because even though the masses turned out to be benign, the size/shape are still enough to warrant surgical removal, which my smart ass opted to sign up for less than a week after my previously scheduled lasik eye surgery. this coming wednesday, i say fare thee well to 22 years of blindness, and toss the 'double paned soundproof' (childhood tauntings), to the side, and look to the world with clear, actual vision. i'm pretty effing scared, to be honest, since i'll be looking at this shit as they poke and jimmy out my eyeballs, which will be strapped open with some crazy clockwork orange like aparatus, but i figure the ends is worth the means. plus a pretty hefty chunk of change, but fuck it. i wanna see. so yeah, wednesday - eye surgery. as soon as my eyeballs are back to normal, i'm off for a series of bloodwork and then a lumpectomy to get these annoying fibroadenomas outta my bod come the following tuesday. i'm gonna be a swollen boobed mr. magoo. can't wait.

i wish i could say the hospital system was more respectful and prompt with delivering my results than my past encounters, but unfortunately it was equally shitty - having to call the hospital 16 times to be transferred to 5 different office locations to be told that only the physician who ordered the biopsy could deliver the results to me, despite the radiologist who worked on me saying he could call me, and would call me, within 48 hours--and finally, once speaking to my order physicians' secretary, was told, 'yes mrs sassana, we have your results, but the doctor is busy in surgery all day today and tomorrow, she will call you when she has time'. cool, cuz like, you know. it's only lumps in my breasts, no big thang.

but in other news, once i finally DID get the good news that yes, you are cancer free, but operation is still necessary, i did get another nugget of decency, in that i got the bump of a mini-promotion at work i had been anxiously awaiting to hear about for months. responsibilities aren't really changing, and the payday is hardly noticeable, but it was a little glimmer of proof that my grandma was looking out for me. no cancer and a promotion in the same day? not too bad.

overall, the past few months have provided me with a stronger appreciation of everything and everyone i have in my life. i've got some unconditional support, friendship, and newfound appreciation of my health, my family and friends. i've also got a stronger sense of optimism and strength, knowing that if i survived what i have, i'm really up for anything. i don't know how actual cancer survivors have that kind of strength that they do, but i tell you one thing, i def pay more attention to those breast cancer support ads/causes more so now than i did before. the emotional strength to undergo all of those procedures is enough alone, let alone the physical endurance. i'm fortunate enough that my experiences ended with a biopsy and surgery, i may have some shitty memories to look back on, particularly with how i was handled in the medical politics, but at least i've got me and the rest of my life to lead, cancer free.

i'm going to make the most out of everything i've got, moving forward. starting today, as i celebrate my final weekend with glasses. come may 26th, when i turn 29, my eyes, boobs and outlook will be 100% clear. being a grown-up rules.