sure, i have to wake up at 5:30/45, vs. my previous 7am alarm, and mornings are probably the most chaotic part of my day. i wake up, rush to apply my face and fix my hair as fast as possible as my husband and i compete for bathroom time. 10-15 minutes in the bathroom, tops. then i struggle to get my clothes, jewelry, deodorant, perfume applied, all while keeping an ear open for holdie's morning waking wimpers. i fly through assembling my breast pump. pack my lunch. get my work bag ready. get holden's outfit laid out. pack his diaper bag for grandma/pa's house. then i quietly tiptoe into the bedroom and give him his breakfast feeding in hopes that he stays asleep, so i'll be able to pump my access milk, clean/un/reassemble the pump and make the bed. all before waking him again - to get him dressed, lotioned, rediapered and in the car seat for grandma. all this in less than 90 minutes, not stopping once. it's fun. it's my new routine.
work itself is a walk in the park. apparently my brain is still in tact, and i already feel like the nucleus of my team again. it's almost too easy, though - compared to motherhood. people keep asking me how my return to work is/was - and at first i said what i was supposed to - 'sad.' and then once i realized how nice it is/was to have lunch breaks, use my brain and wear real clothes again, i said 'sad vacation' b/c it was so much easier, but i missed my man. and then i promptly built a holdie shrine in my cube, complete with holdie coffee mug and rotating screen savers, and now i say, 'it's fine.' because guess what? it feels good to make money again. and use my brain. and have people acknowledge that i look great because hell yeah, i lost nearly 50 pounds! i'm back to my prepregnancy birth weight? halleluljah breast feeding is all i can say to that. ima feed this kid with my boobs forever. well, maybe not blossom forever, but as long as i can upwards to a year. i feel great, holdie hasn't gotten sick once, and it's not breaking my bank. work has been super accommodating in providing a space to pump, let me work remote on fridays and not guilt tripping me into staying late for meetings that my boss typically would have in the past. plus, there's this empowering feeling of balancing professionalism/career along with motherhood. at first it was awkward, sneaking my black pump tote bag into the conference room and i'd get nervous people walking by would see the 'do not disturb' sign on the door, hear the whirring of my breastpump and feel uncomfortable. now i wear that bag like a badge of pride, and i don't care who knows that i provide the best possible nourishment possible for my baby boy, along with balancing the life of a corporate professional. it's my link to being holden's mommy while still being program manager jodi. it's the yin to my yang.
so yeah, work's going a-ok.
but enough about me and my transition - let's talk holdie! the little bear is growing before my very eyes. every day there seems to be a new discovery or development. my lil munchkin isn't very little anymore. kid's at least 15 pounds! fits snugly in 6 month clothes, has a big ole soccer ball head. he's become obsessed with his hands - eating, sucking, eating some more. his head control is considerably better - if it wasn't so huge, he'd have it down 100%. dude even helps out with diaper changes and lifts his lil legs up in a fetal position every time we remove/put on a new diaper. yesterday i heard the most musical sound in my 31 years - a sneak peek at his laugh. not the dummy beavis/butthead 'uh huh huh' chuckle he's been playing around with, but a genuine high pitched musical chime of laughter in the midst of a daddy dancing spree after his bath. i heard it twice. vin's heard it a few more times. i fell in love all over with life and my son and my family all over again. that's not all - h has been sleeping even better! (I HOPE THIS DOESN'T JINX IT). he's been going down earlier in the night, around 7, 7:30 vs. 8, 8:30 and staying down until between 2-3am for a feeding, to wake again when i do between 5-5:30, and goes back to sleep until 6:45 when i wake him up to go to his grandparents - unless it's a monday when vin has him or a friday when he stays home or the weekend - where he'll usually stay asleep until at least 730-8 or so. it's incredible. but my biology still hasn't fully adjusted to the new schedule, and i'm hoping my supply doesn't take a hit as a result - cuz this kid is never not hungry. thankfully we can introduce solids next month and that should help with his nonstop appetite a bit.
i can't. fucking. wait. to open the fisher price jumparoo we got in the mail yesterday. holdie bomb will be a jumping machine! i love my baby boy. can't believe it's already been 14 and a half weeks. next thing i know, he'll be eating real foods and babbling away.
in conclusion, august has been a good month. h man still has his angry fussy days where mom and dad can do no good. he still has his mean bully moments (like the time he gave me a hickey and bruised my left breast (on purpose, too, i'm convinced because i had the audacity to try and eat my own sandwich instead of watching him eat his), instead of nursing appropriately). but he also makes us laugh so hard. and every evening, as i put him to bed during/after his feeding, i have to stop myself from crying from pure love as i gaze at his sleepy, small infant closed eyes and pursed lips. he's perfect. and he's mine. and this is the chapter we're in today, and i'm loving every minute of it.
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