a month of momming the holdster: day 25

Day 25: July 25, 2014
Age: 10 weeks, 5 days

not too much to write about today. the other half is working a later shift than usual, leaving me with mama duties from 2pm-midnightish. after a day of bouncing around on mom's lap with no real noteworthy meltdowns (thank god), i just got the little mister to bed and i'm stuck on the couch with an irritable allergy itchy eye and indecision to either have a glass of wine, continue binge netflixing lost, or log in to my work emails. none of the options really sound too appealing, but i'm doing everything i can in my power to not cave and break open the reeses chocolate peanut butter icecream in our freezer. (i didn't get a run in today, so don't feel i deserve a sugar treat). we'll see. hoping tomorrow is a more eventful day and i can get a run and some relaxing with the fam in.

1 month of holdie bear: day 24

Day 24: July 24, 2014
Age: 10 weeks, 4 days

ok. so i knew it was likely to happen eventually, and thanks to alcohol - it did. i forgot to post yesterday! oh well, it's early the next day so i can still whip out a blurb. yesterday was another decent day - holdie had slept until 1:45 am!!! and then didn't wake up again until 5! so it seems my little frog man is starting to sleep longer through the night after all. this is very good news for mom. yesterday H got visits from his uncle jamie and grandma ellie. he was a popular little dude yesterday. i think he also went through something like 5 outfits, too. with his new nighttime feeding schedule, mom has a little extra milk in the mornings and H lacks self control to stop eating when he probably should. this equals 3 different shirts for mom, too. ricotta cheese party! between visits with uncle J and grandma E, H and i snuck in a stroll to winnemac park. mom decided she's finally taking the plunge and chopping off most of her hair. made myself an appointment after much back and forth and decided i just need to go for it. it's only hair, and plus i never have time to do anything with it - and going back to work, i would rather have the extra 15 minutes i'd spend monkeying with it in the morning to sleep or spend with my lil milk dud. so that's in a week. hopefully it's a decision i won't regret - my first 'mom cut.'

then last evening, mom and dad went out for their weekly date night and indulged in probably a couple more beers than i should have. i don't feel bad at all - just mad at myself for blanking on forgetting to post this blog! had a decent night out at hansa clipper and ricochet's with our pal bruno. it felt nice to have a beer with a friend, in public! it's been far too long. almost felt like a real summer night. thankfully, vin doesn't have to work until 3 today, so he helped with the nighttime bottles while i got to sleep off my buzz. i officially have one week and a weekend left of leave - its hard to believe its already winding down. (i know i mention this every day, but its pretty much all i can think about). here's to making the most of it!

a day in the life of mommy leave: day 23

Day 23: July 23, 2014
Age: 10 weeks, 3 days

so i don't think i made it up yesterday - because last nite holdie def slept longer through the night once again! woke me up around 12:30 am, after conking out around 7:45 - and again around 4am. he woke up at 6:30 as well, but i don't count that as an overnight feeding since i'll have to wake up earlier than that soon. plus, that feeding we decided to co-sleep and i was able to feed him in bed. we both passed out. and woke up to eat some more, and passed out again. UNTIL 10 AM. i love this kid!!! now i know i am not likely to hit the jackpot on that scenario again, but i need to document it because it was a miracle, and i love snuggling up to my lil holdie bear in bed. wouldn't co-sleep with him overnight when i'm in deep sleep, but when dad's at work and it's just the two of us, we have plenty of room to sprawl out and snuggle. god, i'm gonna miss this kid when i go back to work.

since we slept in today, we didn't have time for too many battles or hissyfits. we went for a stroll in winnemac park so mom could get an iced coffee, (since trader joes decided to discontinue their cold press iced coffee - boooo, mom now has to buy it again), and holdie got to sleep by the flowers. we came home, had a couple dance parties, fell asleep in the sling, on mom's lap, on our walk - holdie slept everywhere today. he even slept on our evening family walk through the river park (well, dad and holds walked, i snuck in another 5k - perfect weather for it with the cool breeze!). i was worried he wouldn't go down tonight, and i guess he still could wake up howling any second now, but i just succeeded in getting him to conk out in his peapod swaddle during a feeding. such a cute mess, that boy, specially when he's passed out. this makes me think his 3 month growth spurt is about to take place - the nonstop feedings + day of sleepiness = i can expect to find a 6 foot man with the flirtations of a goatee in h's crib tomorrow morning. gulp.

crazy how yesterday was 90 something degrees and now it's too chilly to keep our windows open. think it's in the mid to upper 60s, now. it's nice, though. sucked that it was too hot to get out yesterday with the little man.

not too much more to report on for today - other than we enrolled in the igo/enterprise car sharing program, finally, which i'm supposed to receive my packet in the mail tomorrow. this means mom and dad will FINALLY have access to a car and can get groceries and maybe even sneak in an adventure or two in the next week before i go back to work with my tail between my legs. would love to check out the botanic gardens or brookfield zoo on monday or tuesday when vin's off of work.

the apartment is quiet - h is in bed, v is in the bath. i think that calls for a moment's relaxation with dare i say, a glass of cab?

a day in a month of new mommyhood: day 22

Day 22: July 22, 2014
Age: 10 weeks, 2 days

i have no idea if i dreamed it, or if i was so sleep deprived i forgot, or if it was real - but i THINK holdie only woke me up two times last night before we finally rolled outta bed around 7:15 today. keyword - THINK. because that would actually be too good to be true if my baby really was sleeping longer throughout the night. im pretty much a zombie when i wake up to feed/diaper change, but i'm pretty sure i remember only taking him out of his peapod velcro swaddle twice - and to almost affirm that suggestion, i had twice as much milk supply this morning when i pumped after our 'ok we're awake for good' feeding around 8 today. if this is true, it's an amazing revelation, because it means i might actually have a sliver of a chance of being a functional human being when i return to the office in 12 days. vin and i have discussed the late night routine, and i think we've agreed on us each taking a shift if i prepare bottles - which would mean i'd only wake up ONE time before my new super duper early wake time to get holden prepped for the day//mom prepped for work. but damn. if he actually only wakes up twice in the night? hallelujah. i won't even pretend to get excited thinking about the luckyass moms whose babies sleep ALL NIGHT. jerks.

other than a half decent night sleep, (although you could fool me because i'm still beat as hell as i type this - even when the baby sleeps, it doesn't guarantee mom does. for some reason, even though my days are just spent boobing, diapering, singing, carrying, (but mostly guessing) a little dude, it's getting hard for me to fall asleep at night. maybe its the pending end of my leave. or the spike in heat. or my husband's snoring. or the fact that many of my days i have little to no non-baby related conversations or external stimulation. i dont' know. but it's not as easy as it should be to fall asleep. maybe i'm just too tired? catch 22.

i did discover a new holdie trick today, though. before, we had tried the backpack carrier - which works for laundry and essential errands. and we had attempted the maya wrap sling before, (which he wasn't a fan of), but today - i don't know if it's his enormous new size and better ability to hold his head upright - or if he's just coming around to it, but it turns out holdie will tolerate the maya wrap sling, and actually fell asleep not once - but twice today after being tucked into the crevice between my armpit and boob while i bounced around in vain to blur and feist. (i kept trying to move his head away from my armpit and boob, but mister wasn't having it, he liked to nap there). the fact that he was hysterical with no techniques working to soothe him in both instances, but then conked out within five minutes on each occasion in the sling means mommy has a new favorite accessory - regardless of whether or not i look like a hipster/hippie/farmers market mom.

also? holden decided today that drooling is his new jam. he loves it. a lot. dude slobbered all over the place. think it's sticking around. so i guess that means it's time to bust out the bib wear.

holden is very cranky right now. he's been fussing and yelling and sputtering for the past couple hours since his dad got home, (who is currently pacing the apartment as i type this). as a result, i too, am a little cranky. but at the same time, whenever i start to get grumpy or crabby, i need to look through the 300 some images i have stored on my iphone to remind me what a little sweetheart he is. (funny how i adore looking at the photos and videos of my son, while simultaneously rolling my eyes or holding my breath when he starts to squawk not a foot away from me in his napper). it's mornings like today, while in the midst of our feeding he did the pursed lips, butt in the air, spine arched and big stretch routine that i live for. i noticed he was making a series of goofy mugs, and managed to catch the following images - all expressions not 10 seconds apart from one another.

i'm gonna miss my lazy mornings with this dude. even when he's a bitch to his mom.

31 days of holden root: day 21

Day 21: July 21, 2014
Age: 10 weeks, 1 day

even though today was a monday, it was the family's sunday, as hr's dad had the day off from work today. we didn't get the same level of adventure in today as yesterday (not everyday can be as thrilling as a mall trip!) but we did do our best to get outside and make the most of the summer day, as hot as it was. holdie got to visit our favorite taqueria today (even though he slept the whole time), we hung out at wells park and watched a bunch of juvenille delinquents throw bread at squirrels and try to trap pigeons, and the boys even joined me on a stroll for my afternoon run through the river park. holdie had a bit of a rough go this evening, experiencing his first tummy ache all week and just being an overall tired fussbucket, but low and behold as soon as we turned on the fleet foxes, smiles were everywhere. such a weird kid. i don't even like the fleet foxes. vin kinda does more than me enough to know the songs more than i do, but i never hear him listening to them - we stumbled upon them accidently and noticed holdie light up when he heard it. ok, fleet foxes it is. it beats annoying crap like pharell or other bullshit top 40 hits, so i can tolerate some beardos if it means my marshmallow man will cease shrieking in my eardrum for 15 minutes. sure.

he's in bed for the night (for now), but we've been having difficulties getting him to go to bed at night. i hope it's a phase, especially since 2 weeks from today will have been my first day back in the office. (gulp).

what i really want to do, though, before i go back, is rent a car for a day and take my son to the zoo. or botanic gardens, or really, anywhere public that we could enjoy together as a family on a nice summer afternoon outdoors. it's hard to believe he's getting so big, so fast. at the same time, sometimes all i want to do is click the fast forward button so we aren't as confined to the apartment as much. catch 22, i spose.

there's not really too much more to report, today, other than the hunt for a new apartment isn't going as well as it had previously seemed. it's looking more like we may just stay put for another year. we can make it work, i just get nervous thinking about holdie crawling in this place - we'll def want more room and will have a crapton of childproofing to do if we do decide to stick it out. one thing at a time, though.

right now that thing is to sit back and just take a deep breath. just finished folding a load of laundry (85% holden's, 15% mom and dad's). dinner's cleaned up. the kiddo's in bed. and i've got maybe an hour before it's mom's bedtime, too. no help from dad tonight for the midnight feedings/diaper changes, so i'll need all the rest i can get.

a month of motherhood: day 20

Day 20: July 20, 2014
Age: 10 weeks!!

today was a day of many firsts. 1) my lil boogeyman is 10 weeks old! wow! 2) holdie went to the mall! 3) mr. h peed in his eye! 4) mr. h peed in his mouth! 5) mr. h pooped in the bathtub! (after deciding a bath would be the most effective means of calming down a hysterical baby who had just pissed all over his face while we were in process of changing a massive poopy diaper). 6) we (ok, dad) inadvertently discovered that HR digs white folksy  beard rock! (fleet foxes)

so it was a nice day. (other than the poop/pee catastrophe). it's always nice, though, having dad around. you can see the joy in holdie's face when his dad plays with him. not to mention, mom gets a little relief with midnight diaper changes and dealing with fits. today i actually got the relief of going shopping! i don't even like shopping. but grandma sassana took us to the mall today and i got to replace all my maternity granny panties with new underwear from victoria's secret, buy updated work blouses for my return in 2 weeks, some jewelry for work so i don't feel like such a frump, comfy tanks that aren't stained in milk from the gap and undereye concealer to hide the baggage from sephora. so nothing super fun by any means - more 'real life' slash 'i survived maternity leave' must haves, but the fact that i got to go into something like 7 stores without a baby attached to my boob (who, by the way, is literally attached to my boob right now - not this second, he's in bed - but all day today and yesterday - we had a 75 minute feeding today after the poopie bath time, and 20 mins later he was hungry AGAIN - i'm praying its his 3 month growth spurt and not a new increase in appetite or i'll have empty 8 year old boy boobs at this rate. . .). going into stores, buying things, trying clothes i don't even want on? FREEDOM, PEOPLE. FREEDOM.

plus an added bonus, we got chipotle. this bitch here loves her some burrito bowls.

exactly tomorrow and i'll be at work in two weeks. ugh. but i gotta admit i felt nice putting on nice clothes. not that i miss the binding feeling of work clothes, but i feel like a real adult in a pencil skirt and blouse, vs. a stretched out tank top and mesh athlethic shorts. maybe i'll even get used to brushing my hair? HA!

the best part of my day today, though, was when i met up with my mother in law, husband and baby boy after rummaging around in express for a while, and seeing h's little round hammy face light up with glee when he saw my face and heard my voice after being apart for 20 minutes. oh man, heart melter. god save the future girlies who's hearts he'll end up breaking 20 years down the road. it'll be the biggest heart breaking yet amazing experience at the same time, the first day i come home from work and see his little face. hopefully he'll still remember me after being gone 8 plus hours. if not, i'll crawl in a hole and cry. i love my baby boy. now if only he'll let mom and dad have some peace and quiet for an evening to kick back and enjoy a couple cold brews like the married couple we are.

31 days of holdie bear: day 19

Day 19: July 19, 2014
Age: 9 weeks, 6 days

My little marshmallow man had yet another good day! although he sure as heck refused to nap with the exception of a handful of 15-20 minute nod-offs (don't count, in my opinion), so while mom didn't get anything accomplished today when dad was at work (on his regular day off), we at least spent the day smiling instead of shouting and screaming. my little dude isn't so little! on a whim, i looked up sizing charts for 3-6 month onesies, thinking holds' outfits were getting a bit tough to take off without pissing him off to shout everytime i tried to peel one off over his head. sure enough, he's officially in the 3-6 month onesie sizing zone, despite him just turning 10 weeks (not even 2.5 months!) tomorrow. yowzers. dude also fits in size 2 diapers already. jeez. if this is just regular holds, i'm nervous to see what his 3 month growth spurt is going to look like! will he be taller than me??

he is getting easier to carry, and i do see him starting to recognize certain toys, patterns, and especially his mom and dad. his potty habits are back in the normal swing of things with daily movements, so there's less shouting and screaming due to an upset tummy, which makes everyone's life easier.

today, i finally sorted through all the photos i've taken on my leave to date and created a couple hard copy photo albums, as well as sent some pics off to both sets of grandparents. we had one photo album that would hold 28 photos. for said photo album, i narrowed our 200+ printed pics down to 95. seriously. after about 8 back and forths, we finally paired it down to 28. but it wasn't easy. which means holden's going to have a much more thorough documented childhood than yours truly. but then again, it's not like vin and my moms were passing their days away on maternity leave playing paparazzi on their iphones at every slight grin or hamface. (thank god, actually).

not too much to report else today - little dude's in bed for the night and i'm doing my damndest to enjoy a new glarus spotted cow before i too, turn in for the eve. tomorrow we've got a field trip to the mall so mom can buy some new clothes for work and maybe real life, too - first time shopping since i got knocked up last year. we'll see how it goes. .  .

a month of motherhood: day 18

Day 18: July 18, 2014
Age: 9 weeks, 5 days

my son is a ham. an absolute ham. an intense ham. this little boy - he's an intense dude. seriously. today was actually a really good day (again). sure, bedtime was not an easy task tonite. (see top left photo - that's the face of a young man who would NOT stop screaming unless we removed him from his crib after 3 failed attempts of 'letting him cry it out'. being set in his velcro swaddle on the couch with mom and dad? silence. yet hammy. after he would pass out? put him back in the crib. and more screams. after the 4th or so attempt of bedtime (ok, i relented and nursed him a 3rd time after beginning mommy's glass of wine - i had 2-3 small sips over 20 minutes and i still breastfed him - so sue me, at least he's finally asleep now, and i should mention i still have 3/4 my glass untouched in front of me). . . but yeah. the ham's asleep now. (maybe).

the long photo on the righthand side? that just shows how awkward of an ox my intense little ham is becoming. little man skipped bathtime last night on account of mom and dad assembling his crib and grandma watching him. typically, we wait until around/after 6pm to give him his bath so it's part of his evening routine, but after he pooped himself 3 times! and then rinsed himself off with a golden shower (not 20 minutes after i cleaned/folded the laundry, including his clean for about 16 minutes changing pad). so i succumbed to an early bath around 3pm and it was a milkneck and ear cheese harvest! little man was gross. so gross. but he's clean now. i promise i'm not a neglectful mother. i definitely learned the lesson of holden being one of the 'bathes every day' babies. the pediatrician said some go 'as needed,' or 'every other day.' yeah - my ham's a stinky boy.

the lower left hand pic is just me being a bully. H was being a ham and playing with his food and preventing me from finishing folding laundry. so i punished him by putting a pair of (clean) mommy's underwear on his head. i'm sure he'll thank me for that later.

but really, it was a good day. somehow, i managed to get the laundry done (thanks, baby sling!), took the garbage out, dyed my hair (and showered! thanks to the one solid 45 minute nap H snuck in this morning), gave the cats their medicine/trimmed nails, picked up around the place, assembled the monkey mobile onto the crib, and even managed to get a solid lead on a new apartment (new to vin - old to me, the same place i lived from 2008-2010 with courtney and carrie - fingers crossed that we get it! hope to check it out on monday, would be right across the street from winnemac park which would be perfect for playdates with the little dude, (so long as mommy removes her underwear from his head)).

here it is, 9:10pm, and even though each day melds into the other like there's no separate distinction between days/dates of the week/month, my biorhythms must be telling me it's a friday, because despite my lack of constant sleep (i'm sporting some serious impressive baggage under my eyes these days), i can't sleep nor do i want to crawl into bed. but instead of having my other half helping with nightly duties tonite, he got jipped into working weekends until i go back to work, so has to rise and shine around 4something am tomorrow, so there will be no beers/movie/hangouts tonite. that's ok. i have my glass of wine and my iphone to keep me entertained and i'm sure i'll crawl into bed by 10. (living on the edge, amiright?)

sometimes, though, especially since my days of leave are VERY numbered (only 2 more weeks - NOT HAPPY), i wish i could have a little more - not freedom, but experiences?? maximize the time off with my family? something to remember it by. although, all the other mamas i've talked to say their maternity leaves too, were a blur of drowsy sleepiness, so maybe this is just how it goes. the fact that my leave coincided with summertime is just an odd blessing/curse.

whatever. if i can get 2 weeks like my past 2 days, i'll be a happy, happy mama. something tells me i won't be quite that lucky, but i still will love every minute i can get with my little man - happy hamming or insistent shrieking. he still needs me and that's one helluva feeling that can't be replaced by anything.

31 days of the little man(ster): day 17

 

Day 17: July 17, 2014

Age: 9 weeks, 4 days

today was a day of observations. the most important one? my son doesn't hate me! or life! or my husband! just certain days. today wasn't one of them. THANK GOD. we had a smiley, flirty, lovey day up until around 3pm when he began to let out his first whimpers, without a full meltdown until after grandma came to relieve vin and i for our weekly date night around 6pm. date night = crib assembly, 2 slammed beers, potbellys sandwiches + mcdonalds for dessert. crib assembly = 2 hours, being fat ass gluttons, 1 hour. #lincolnsquareyuppieville. so yes, i've had 2 beers. much deserved/needed, may i add.

but not only was holdie bear a downright sweetheart treat today, there were other observations i noted today. a) my son is slowly but surely becoming a fatass. or as i sugarcoat it, my little 'ham,' or 'marshmallow man,' but straight up, dude pretty much doesn't have a neck anymore. just chins. chinville 5000. plus rolls on his arms, wrists, legs, butt, all over the place. they're adorbs - but man, he's becoming a chubster, alright. 'specially when he begins sucker punching me in the boob like, 'more milk!' ok, fattie. . .  b) his hand/mind coordination is definitely improving - he'll hit the rattles and know it's him making the sounds; he'll follow my voice and any toys i dangle in front of him to follow the sound with his eyes - he never used to do that and c) dude''s got mad drooling capabilities now. it started with harmless foaming at the mouth, which i interpreted as 'mom i'm hungry,' but now i'm realizing it's more less, put anything, ANYTHING, in my mouth. so i can drool all over it. it's almost cute? but kind of gross.

i'm kind of in love with the idea that my baby's brain is growing, and as a result, so is he. don't get me wrong, i can totally relate to all the other mothers/mommies who tell me to treasure these moments because they go too fast - but i also am convinced that most of them have selective memories and forget the days like i've had earlier in the week and the hell they went to and fro the first couple of months of mommying a newborn. but also, i'll admit i found no joy in packing up holds' first bundle of outgrown newborn onesies/outfits. kinda sad. how will my lil baby boy never fit in his anchor booty shorts and beach bum belly t? aw man. dang. he's a big boy now.

speaking of being a big boy - i discovered last night that we do have a solution in place for H kicking/punching his way outta his swaddles at night, resulting in mom getting no sleep (although i gotta admit, i've been looking worse for the wear on a daily basis - them under eye suitcases are quickly transitioning from overnight bags to weeklong getaway gear - ouch) - instead of wraping homeboy up in his regular muslin swaddles, i dug out the velcro doo-dads that he hates and put him in one of the hardcore burrito wraps - he bawled himself to sleep last night and tonight, but lo and behold, mom only had to wake up 3 times last night vs. a million. so between that and the crib, there's transitions galore for holdie's bedtime - but he's in bed now, so fingers crossed they'll play out until my maternity leave ends in two weeks.

two weeks. seems like no time at all. super bummed. i love my little man -  specially when he smiles.

a month of maternity leave: day 16

Day 16: July 16, 2014
Age: 9 weeks, 3 days

I wish i could say today was a better day than yesterday. but i can't. holden's been up to no good at feeling no good. he's currently screaming his head off in the bedroom. he's super pissed that a) he's in the velcro swaddle me swaddle vs the usual loose muslin blanket swaddle that he can super ninja kick and punch his way out of (the velcro version is a bit more kickproof); b) we're ignoring his crying fit; and c) well, he's just always super pissed these days. not sure if my teething theory plays out at all - he sure does like sucking on anything near his mouth, my shoulder blade, my finger, his toys, pacifier, bottle, boob, etc., and he's starting to get his old man drooly on. but that could also be just because he's a baby. all the theories getting thrown my way have either a) been tried in vain multiple times and failed; or b) shot down by the doctor (aka - acid reflux or any other health condition, homeboy just got a clean bill of health at his two month checkup last friday and he hasn't run a temperature at all).

but now he's quiet. so i guess the test of letting him 'cry it out' worked. (this time). we'll see how easy it is for me to slide him in the velcro houdini proof swaddle after his midnight/2am/4am/6am feedings and how quickly mom will cave and put him in the usual blanket for him to bust out of. ugh. rough day.

i at least did get a run in. those always help. i do feel physically better. just mentally drained.  i don't want this blog to just be the 'poor me, i have a colicky baby' blog, though. because nobody wants to read that shit, but at the same time i refuse to just paint this rosy generic picture of, 'oh yes, motherhood is so grand. sure, gosh, i'm tired and could use some more sleep, but my precious little beautiful baby makes it worth every second. i sure love every moment i stay at home with him.' i mean - yes. he is awesome and cute as hell. and yes, i love him every minute of every day. but i also kind of not hate - but get extremely exasperated, of his nonstop crying fits. everyone says 'it'll get better,' 'its just a phase,' 'give it another couple of weeks,' and man oh man i hope they're right. if not, well, like i said yesterday, my patience is surely growing by the day.

the little dude did have another nap in bed with me this morning, for a whole 90 minutes this time! i will admit i do dig the morning naps in bed together. he can be SO CUTE when he's asleep. (and awake - but not shrieking). with the exception of the smiley pic in the collage above, i felt like the few minutes today he wasnt screaming or sleeping, but actually seemingly. . . content? i was nervous. so nervous. i realized this 12 and a half pound baby ox is the scariest person/creature in the world. because he's a ticking time bomb. and can go off and just YELL at any minute. like right now, for example. the wimperings have begun/resumed once more. thought he cried himself out for bed? yeah right, mom! psych! he was just saving energy for round 2! (full blown screechings, now).

WHY, THOUGH? 8pm is his bedtime every night! and he barely napped at all today!

i love him. i love him. i love him, oh so very, very much.

mommy needs a cocktail. sigh.