Day 16: July 16, 2014
Age: 9 weeks, 3 days
I wish i could say today was a better day than yesterday. but i can't. holden's been up to no good at feeling no good. he's currently screaming his head off in the bedroom. he's super pissed that a) he's in the velcro swaddle me swaddle vs the usual loose muslin blanket swaddle that he can super ninja kick and punch his way out of (the velcro version is a bit more kickproof); b) we're ignoring his crying fit; and c) well, he's just always super pissed these days. not sure if my teething theory plays out at all - he sure does like sucking on anything near his mouth, my shoulder blade, my finger, his toys, pacifier, bottle, boob, etc., and he's starting to get his old man drooly on. but that could also be just because he's a baby. all the theories getting thrown my way have either a) been tried in vain multiple times and failed; or b) shot down by the doctor (aka - acid reflux or any other health condition, homeboy just got a clean bill of health at his two month checkup last friday and he hasn't run a temperature at all).
but now he's quiet. so i guess the test of letting him 'cry it out' worked. (this time). we'll see how easy it is for me to slide him in the velcro houdini proof swaddle after his midnight/2am/4am/6am feedings and how quickly mom will cave and put him in the usual blanket for him to bust out of. ugh. rough day.
i at least did get a run in. those always help. i do feel physically better. just mentally drained. i don't want this blog to just be the 'poor me, i have a colicky baby' blog, though. because nobody wants to read that shit, but at the same time i refuse to just paint this rosy generic picture of, 'oh yes, motherhood is so grand. sure, gosh, i'm tired and could use some more sleep, but my precious little beautiful baby makes it worth every second. i sure love every moment i stay at home with him.' i mean - yes. he is awesome and cute as hell. and yes, i love him every minute of every day. but i also kind of not hate - but get extremely exasperated, of his nonstop crying fits. everyone says 'it'll get better,' 'its just a phase,' 'give it another couple of weeks,' and man oh man i hope they're right. if not, well, like i said yesterday, my patience is surely growing by the day.
the little dude did have another nap in bed with me this morning, for a whole 90 minutes this time! i will admit i do dig the morning naps in bed together. he can be SO CUTE when he's asleep. (and awake - but not shrieking). with the exception of the smiley pic in the collage above, i felt like the few minutes today he wasnt screaming or sleeping, but actually seemingly. . . content? i was nervous. so nervous. i realized this 12 and a half pound baby ox is the scariest person/creature in the world. because he's a ticking time bomb. and can go off and just YELL at any minute. like right now, for example. the wimperings have begun/resumed once more. thought he cried himself out for bed? yeah right, mom! psych! he was just saving energy for round 2! (full blown screechings, now).
WHY, THOUGH? 8pm is his bedtime every night! and he barely napped at all today!
i love him. i love him. i love him, oh so very, very much.
mommy needs a cocktail. sigh.
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