night (terrors).

wikipedia defines night terrors as such:

A night terror, also known as a sleep terror or pavor nocturnus, is a parasomnia disorder characterized by extreme terror and a temporary inability to regain full consciousness. The subject wakes abruptly from slow-wave sleep, with waking usually accompanied by gasping, moaning, or screaming while waking. It is often impossible to awaken the person fully because they are so concentrated on waking, and after the episode the subject normally settles back to sleep without waking. A night terror for some can rarely be recalled by the subject. For others it can be. They typically occur during non-rapid eye movement sleep. Some recall a blurry face within the first five minutes of sleeping that floats towards then. When swinging or yelling at the face, it disappears.


i've been extremely sleep deprived, especially the past week due to this shit. the worst part is, i'm part of the % that remembers their terrors. in fact, i'd say i remember them clear as day 90% of the time. the dream itself isn't the terror, the dreams are usually lucid and typical whateverness. but the terror is always the same.

i'm in my bed, aware of my surroundings, in my current bedroom. just like i'm asleep as i went to sleep. wearing the same pajamas, spooning my pillow the same, etc. nothing out of the norm. and then i hear footsteps towards my bedroom. the door opens. someone crawls into my bed with me. i'm asleep, but unable to wake. i don't feel comfortable with the idea that someone is crawling uninvited into my room. for a split second, no matter how many times i experience this, i always feel relieved and think, 'oh it's just charlie, coming over after work to surprise me,' and then i realize - charlie doesn't have a key to my apartment. he doesn't come over to my apartment unannounced and would never just crawl into my bed. he's also no longer my boyfriend. then i feel overwhelmingly sad for a split second, and then even worse, paralyzing terror.

who is this, then, that is crawling into my bed? i feel the bed shift. i feel the weight of another person crawling under the covers beside me. i struggle to wake, try to thrash my body, arms, head, neck, anything, any which way but am paralyzed. i just want to open my eyes! say something! tell my intruder to begone! i'm always sleeping on my stomach in the terrors and i always physically feel the pressure of another person's body pressing on top of mine. not in a sexual way, but in an intimate embrace. then usually, their hand will envelope mine and nonintimidatingly hold me. but i don't know who this is. and i don't want them in my room.so i'm simultaneously sad, terrified, and confused. and i struggle to gasp for breath so i can say anything. so i can scream. so i can tell them to get off. to buck my hips and body weight to remove the intruder. but i'm helpless. every. fucking. time.

and i physically in real time feel myself levels and levels deep into subconcious. i can hear real sounds - if my roommate is banging things around in the kitchen in real time, i hear it. if molly's knocking things over in the corner, i hear it. but i also feel this body. so it's very real.

i wake up every time with a struggle, gasping for air, moaning and sometimes without even realizing it, sobbing. disoriented, i'll turn into the wall and clutch my pillow and try to fall back asleep. usually this doesn't work out too well because i'm too freaked out. last night i experienced this exact same terror on three separate occassions.

basically, night terrors suck. anyone have personal experiences/advice/remedies? maybe i just need a real person to come and hold me in my sleep so this intruder will disappear for good. or maybe i need a regular alarm clock. whatever it is, fucking sleep deprivation blows.