men i want to date: michael ian black

i woke up to a text message this morning and saw that i had also received an additional unread text which i apparently sent myself  at approximately 3:05 am. it read of three simple words: 'michael ian black.' oh, the foggy late nights of estelle's and the effects it has on me. luckily for my wallet, (despite losing twenty bucks today somehow after being so proud of not spending it last night), it was a relatively tame evening so i was able to retrace my way of thinking to why i would text myself such a cryptic message. between amazing infomercials of collapsable deep fryer collanders and whatever else garbage is on the tvs at estelles post 2 am, i caught a glimpse of michael and michael have issues on comedy central. seeing mr. michael ian black's mannequin boy like face made me remember my days of lusty crushhood on him. i figure, even though i haven't thought about this wise cracker in a while, he still deserves a place on my men i'd like to date roster.

reasons why i want to date michael ian black:

1. even with his obnoxious facial expressions and mannequin like mug, i still think he's super hot

2. i bet he could help me get a copy of the state on dvd

3. he could totes introduce me to the gang from reno 911/the state. i've always wanted to sing 'AND THE INSPIRATION IS FREEEEE' to them personally.

4. if we went out to like rainbo or estelles' or something, ppl i know would see me with him and whisper, 'hey check it out, jodi's out with that i love the 80's dude' and i'd be super popular

5. he could be fulfill my one time 'older dude' conquest

6. i could see if shit he says in real life are as clever as his tweets

7. he was in wet hot american summer. (maybe an introduction to fellow man i want to date paul rudd??)

8. he makes really convincing condescending facial expressions so i could bring him along to job interviews if they're not going well to pressure the man into giving me a job.

9. supposedly he's got a talk show in works for mtv next year. if this is true and our relationship worked out, i could attend filmings and find out if my suspicions of news anchor john norris are true and that he really is the crypt keeper

10. again, he's hot.