bodytalk pt.1

I found it. The new robyn ep, that is. 7 songs, 25 minutes of pure pop princess prowess. But, I gotta say, as much booty shakin' is and will commence to the delectable single "Dancing on my Own," Body Talk Pt. 1 is no self-titled 05/08 release. I know homegirl's got 2 more albums in the works for 2010 and I totes respect the fact that she wants to push out her jams as quickly as possible vs hoarding it for one album at the end of the year, but the fact remains that this is a mere flirtation of a dance party.

Album opener, "Don't Fucking Tell Me What to Do" is catchy, but is more club-trance-trash than what girly's capable of. It's a dark and computerized 4 minute rant, "My drinking's killing me, my label's killing me, my pms is killing me, etc etc" clinched at the end with a robotic demand, "Don't fucking tell me what to do - do." I played about ten seconds of it in front of my boyfriend who just looked at me, "What the fuck is this?" Even I couldn't defend it -- and dudes, this is Robyn. FAIL - 1.5/5 stars - I can't completely hate on Robyn, after all, but dayumn.

Moving along to track number two, the single "Fembot" which I guess is some sort of "Hey I'm 30 years old now and I know I'm supposed to have kids and a husband but guess what I don't!" rebellion jam. I read that, anyway, in various interviews, but I don't really get it. It just reminds me of those gross Svedka vodka robot sluts in their CTA ads. "I've got. Some news for you. Fembots. Got feelings too." Ok, girl, I feel your beats - but you're not really making loads of sense. But this jam is dancey and I'm digging all the electronicy flavor, so I'll give this track 3/5 stars for its mad drunken danceparty potential.

Song number 3 is it. This is Robyn's "With Every Heartbeat" and "Be Mine!" multiplied. The beats are kinda cheesy late 90's power synth pop Roller Den type of shit, but they're the perfect pace and ideal bed for her girly angst desperate cries, "I'm in the corner, watching you kiss her - oooooh. I'm right over here, why can't you see me---oooooh. I'm giving it my all, but I'm not the girl you're taking home - oooooooh, I keep dancing on my own." Sounds like the ideal song for a tampon commercial or Oxygen promo, right? WELL MAYBE IT IS. butttttt, it's soooo fucking fun to dance to and prance about in my bra and panties. Shower scream along girl anthem, yep. It's got all the "Man I hate you so much right now cute boy - but only because I love you so much, why am I beating myself up over this when we'll never be together"ness of "Be Mine!" but also the dancey demandingness of "With Every Heartbeat." God. I'm such a loser. But if you listen to this track, you'll get it. If you don't have a vagina, you'll wish you had one. "Dancing on My Own" scores a 10/5. I have a feeling my neighbors will be getting very sick of this jam pumping out my bedroom window this summer, BUT I DON'T GIVE A SHIT. I KEEP DANCIN' ON MY OWN, BITCHES.

Numero cuatro, "Cry When You Get Older" is flat out flamboyant and camp to the max. The lyrics make me cringe, and I want with my entire self to dislike this song and move on. But, alas, well, excuses aside, Robyn is my kryptonite. So while her lyric writing may be equal to a 13-year old girl, her beats are sick and it's decent background music. At least it beats "Don't Fucking Tell Me What to Do," anyway. But actually, listening now, I'm kind of annoyed. This joint gets a 2/5. Next. . .

Then we come to "Dance Hall Queen," the first of the tracks to hit the interwebs a few months back. This isn't new to me, as I nearly pissed myself when a galpal forwarded me the link back when it leaked - but it's solid as hell. Produced by mixmaster to the stars of indie-dance power (i.e. Santigold, M.I.A.), Diplo himself can do no wrong (well, aside from major lazer, but that's a different blog post). Robyn does her best rasta dub spit, bragging that she still "Runs this thing like a dancehall queen - I really don't want no hassle," droppin' "boom-boom-boom's" left and right. It's kind of funny to imagine this pale Swedish sprite trying to be Jamaican, but whatever, she's got the club to their feet (or at least, again, my personal shower towel dance party). Verdict: 5/5 stars.

"Hang with Me" is Body Talk's "Eclipse." Simple, sad, bare - acoustic. Really, really, wimpy. Umm, it is what it is, but I don't want to feel bummed out because Robyn's beau isn't "doing her right" so can't "Hang with meeee," so uhhhh. I'd rather be dancing. If I'm PMSing and all tori amos/hey jupiter'd out, I guess this would be a decent substitute, but right now I'm all about boogying. I'll give this one a 3/5.

"Jag Vet En Dejlig Rosa" is the final track on this 7-track ep. I have no fucking clue what the hell she's talking about as I am A) a heterosexual grown woman and B) not Swedish. It's quiet, minimalistic and disappointing. Even if I could understand her childlike begging, I don't think I'd give a shit. This is worse (and booooooring) than "Don't Fucking Tell Me What to Do." This gets a .5/5. Sick.

So I guess, this ep kinda blows when I look at it. There are a handful of stellar dance jams, "Dancing on My Own," "Dancehall Queen," "Fembot" (sorta, anyway). And these are what makes Robyn rule. But the rest is mere filler and a total boner killer. Here's to hoping Body Talk Pt 2/3 are less menstrualistic and that her P4K performance this summer will be packed full of her self-titled material. I will never get sick of "Be Mine!", "Konichiwa Bitches" or "Show Me Love." EVER.