men i want to date : charlie day.

oooookay. so maybe i'm more in love with the illiterate, pants pissing "fictional" charlie on it's always sunny, but regardless, this dude's squinty facial expressions and excitable shrieking really lights my fire. what can i say? i'm a sucker for short, dirty dudes.

why i want to go out with charlie day:

1. he played a creepy sinister killer guy on an episode of law and order. i mean, LAW AND FUCKING ORDER, CMON.
2. he could introduce me to danny devito and we could all get blitzed on lemon drop shots or whatever he was drunk on with george clooney.
3. if he went home with me, and i had trouble falling asleep, he could sing me 'nightman' as a lullaby and i would probably zonk out immediately.
4. he's technically married in real life, so this could be my one affair with a married man. (talk bout sexxxciting).
5. he's in a movie with jason bateman and jason bateman was in arrested development with david cross, so i bet if we really hit it off we could have dinner parties and invite david cross to tell us some good jokes.
6. there's something about him, 'specially when he's fictional charlie in always sunny that is CRAZY attractive. like, the dirty twitchy, shakey, short, messy hair thing. gets me.
7. i bet when he gets drunk he screams really loud like he does on its always sunny. for once, i wouldn't be the loud obnoxious drunk of the group.
8. my ex-bf's name is charlie, so if i hit it off with this charlie, people would stop me mid-conversation and be like, 'wait, you and charlie got back together?' to which i could bust out bragging rights for dating a famous dude and be like, noooo, i'm talking about the law and order murderer actor guy. DUH.
9. i bet our makeout seshes would be pretty rad. plussss he could bust out green man in the bedroom. #kinkwin.
10. he could make molly some kitten mittens.