30 down, 1 more to go: a month of mommying holdie bear

Day 30: July 30, 2014
Age: 11 weeks, 3 days

while i have 2 weekdays and a weekend left before my leave comes to a close, tomorrow is the official final day of my month of maternity leave writing experiment. i'll do my best to come up with some clever observations in tomorrow's 'final' post, but i'm sure i'll still be logging on here in the future weeks/months as i continue my journey into motherhood and holds accomplishes bigger and funnier milestones.

today was a very 'hands on' kind of day. i think my heart's starting to break/wrench and i'm more vulnerable than usual, knowing the light is at the end of the tunnel and my honeymoon with h man is coming to a close - or maybe it was just how freaking irresistably sweet/adorable the little dude was today (he had the same effect on his father after he came home from work for daddy duty), but i couldn't put the little porker down. literally. the 2-3 times i did put him down longer than what it took to race to the bathroom or pour myself a glass of water in the kitchen, h would start to fuss and not be having it. normally, i'd roll my eyes, get a little frustrated, let him 'cry it out' for a bit and just turn up the tv volume. but since i know i'm going to be missing these cuddle sessions, and since H never really cried, persay, i let him hang out with his mom all day. because that's what he wanted. and he's not always going to want to hang out with his mom. i get nervous he won't want mommy time when i go back to work. or will be too tired/fussy by the time i do get home to remember/love on me.

so today, i held him. all day. sure, most of it was on the couch. whether he sat reclined on my legs, sprawled out on the boppy pillow on my lap, suctioned onto either one of my always exposed boobs, or bounced on my torso as i continued to binge watch lost on netflix, h man was never out of my reach. maybe with the exception of our walk through the neighborhood, when we strolled through lincoln square, into ravenswood and up through winnemac park. he napped for the majority of our walk in the stroller, was up for maybe a third of it. but other than that, he was my velcro boy up until dad came home and i got my first jog of the week in at the river park.

we just put him to bed after dad rocked him to sleep and i gave him a final nightcap.

that kid - melts my goddang heart, i tell you. he really, truly does. i'm so going to bawl like a baby - more than holdie after his 2 month shots - when i have to go back downtown.

not fair.