Day 11: July 11, 2014
Age: 8 weeks, 5 days - TWO MONTHS OLD!!!
what. a. day.
what a day. i mean, seriously. first off, holy crap, my little sweet baby boy is already two months old, as of today. he's growing so big, so fast, right before my very eyes. so much so, that during his two month pediatrics visit this afternoon, i learned he has doubled his birth weight and my lil peapod is already 12.5 pounds! 24 inches! that's exactly 2 feet! if you stacked 3 holdies on top of one another, he'd tower over his mom and dad. whoa. he's in the 96% of length, 56% of weight, 88% of head circumference. my little man.
the doc visit calmed most of my mommying worries, i got assurance from the doc that i'm doing everything i can the correct way i can, and that my lil man has a perfect bill of health. we ended the visit with a series of shots which i'm positive killed me WAY more than him. having to restrain his rolly poly hands/arms while the nurse held down his legs to administer the shots - the expression of hurt, sadness, confusion, betrayal in my baby boy''s face as he locked eyes with mine and then let out a 100% genuine REAL cry/sob (not the fake 'i dont like this' fussy wail), the sob that was so hardcore it was silent the majority of the time his mouth was wide open. . . oh man. the nurse ended up giving ME a hug after. as did the registration/check out lady. i guess they're used to first time mamas having a hard time. i know i did. the way he nursed his hand and my shoulder to calm himself down before i could offer my breast. good lord. i don't even know why i'm writing this down, to be honest, this isn't exactly something i want to remember. good thing i get to repeat it in two months - although at least then i'll have vincent with me and i'll know what to expect so i won't feel so vulnerable. . .
i think we dodged a bullet on the lil dude copping a fever, at least. we did administer a dose of baby tylenol, when he got super fussy with real cries, just in case he was in any pain/discomfort - but he did go to bed fever free. and while i wasn't home at the time of bedtime (thank you, dear husband), i hear he was down at his normal bedtime. breaks my freaking heart.
so what kind of mother isn't around to put her sick/sad/tired/ailing baby to bed when he needs her most? the kind of mother who mommies not just human babies, but feline children as well. i'm a cat lady. obviously. i love them. kitties are (were) my everything before hrs joined us 2 months back. so i felt like a shithead not being able to offer up my 100% cat loving momminess to our 3rd kitty, mr. lyle. he's a total sweetie, and almost too aggressively assertive in his need for attention/cuddles. it obviously became a quick problem, too, that he was able to scale our 40 inch cat fence to our bedroom with his mad leaps - like a cow jumping over the moon. he would headbutt and force cuddle during nursing sessions. or try to sleep with us at nighttime. things that non mommy jodi would enjoy. it's not that mommy jodi couldn't enjoy these same signs of affection, but my mother tiger instincts would just get annoyed and toss him half heartedly off the bed, dismissing/disregarding any love for the hairball. i realized i wasn't a fit (cat) parent. beans does her own thing, and just nurses her cat bed when she gets lonely. mols is skittish, anyway. female cats are way more independent than male cats, it's a fact. so i realized it was time to find mr. lyle a new home. plus, throw in the fact that vin and i are currently apartment hunting for a new home come september/october, and the majority of the ads we come across either have a 2 cat limit or a per pet charge that we quite frankly can't afford - it just wasn't a good/sensible/responsible fit.
so thank goodness for friends - namely sheila. not only did she offer to take him off our hands, but i trust her a million and ten percent that she'll be able to provide a loving home for lyle and give him all the affection/attention i couldn't afford. ashley and i dropped him off at sheila's place tonight, and the little dude was shaking so bad in the cat cage, but never yowling or fussing about the way my two other cats surely would. and he poked his head out the top of the cage, looking about but never trying to run away. and when he got to sheila's place, he casually strolled outta the cage into her living room, like, 'yo wassup,' made his way to the food dish and chowed down like it was his crib already. unless he freaks out, or sheila's other cat has a huge problem with him, i think he'll be super happy. and that makes me super happy. but also super sad that i let him down and coulnd't provide that environment for him myself.
'if you love someone, set them free.'
so it's been a tiring day. an emotional one. jodi mommy caretaker instincts have been kicked into high gear. and now i'm enjoying a new glarus, two women brew, listening to the click clacking of me writing this blog an the tap tapping of my husband winning the nba playoffs (at least virtually, anyway) on his ps3.
holdie's in bed. it's summertime. we have a 3 day weekend together, with plans of checking out the square roots festival in our neighborhood with our son tomorrow/sunday. and i get my first 'non-mom' full night out with my sister tomorrow to see my favorite teenage band play at one of my favorite venues with enough milk pumped to make a dairy cow blush.
here's to a good (and hopefully less emotional), weekend, kids.
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