Day 15: July 15, 2014
Age: 9 weeks, 2 days
here are some pictures of my son in his bear hoodie. because he is cute. and because he is being good in these photos and not screaming his head off. this was following an evening of no sleep for mommy. holdie went to bed last night around 7:45 pm, woke up at 11:30pm, 1:15am, 3:00am, 4:30 am (to which he did not fall back asleep until around 7 am - that was a fun one), and 9:00am. his mommy is very tired today. typically, he had been going down around 8 and sleeping until midnight, and then 2.5-3 hours per break in between. now, he cries in his sleep. i sit up, tired as hell thinking no way could it have been two hours since i last served him - and lo and behold i'm right, it's only been 20 minutes. yes, he's crying - but his eyes are closed. and he's still in his swaddle (this time). i'll stand at the foot of his pack and play and stare at him in disbelief and he'll suddenly stop kicking/crying (for now). 30 minutes later, same thing - except his feet will be out of the swaddle - or an arm. or both arms. and i'll hear farting. or i won't. since he woke so frequently, there wasn't even an appetite at each wakening. or a dirty diaper. just an unhappy baby.
this morning, though, once i finally caved to the conclusion that sleep just wasn't going to be in the cards for me today/tonight, and had my iced coffee and brought the little monster out of the bedroom into the living room. (our final nap between 7-9 was a particularly difficult one to put down - he only quieted down after i tried a combination of letting him sleep swaddled on my chest (but he has a super hard fucking head to be laying on my clavicle - 88% head circumference, and it weighs like it!), and then unswaddled beside me in the bed in the crook of my arm, with the blanket up to his knees. i know you're not supposed to co-sleep, but the only way he'd FINALLY sleep would be to nurse on my side at which point i was able to trick him and roll him off my boob to pass out in my arm.) but yeah, this morning. anyway. i was tired (still am). but after the caffeine kicked in and holden and molly (my cat) finally let me eat my blueberry muffin, holdie seemed in good enough spirits. very, very needy and controlling, but happy (enough). i sang loudly to hall & oates, tears for fears, blondie, david bowie, hot chip and hot hot heat, while bouncing him on my knee, sitting him on my stomach, jumping him up in the air, making his little legs dance, placing him in the sling on the side - cradling him like a baby - anything that required him being held - and he was fine. hell, he even let me set him in the napper maybe two times this morning. but he needed mom, that much was plain to see. the one break i got was when he was mesmerized in his playmat and actually started swinging intentionally at the musical rattle dangling from the beams. so at least he's progressing with his coordination and understanding that he's responsible for the movement/sound being made - that was actually cool.
he also gave me a handful of smiles. so that was sweet.
he also had two poops today - one resulting in staining the outfit you can see him sporting above (he is in his fourth outfit within the last 12 hours - that's where our mystery spike in laundry has come from) - so it's not like gas was the usual culprit ailing him today. and he did have one real nap today. and he ate plenty. and didn't have a fever. and wasn't puking (except this morning spit up).
so why is my son being a gigantic asshole? i mean, even more than usual. insistent wailing.
i think, maybe he's teething? or starting to? 9 weeks seems extremely young/early to start, but i did ask the pediatrician on friday when to expect this fun adventure to begin, and she said 'any day now.' i'm not sure if i'm seeing things, looking for an answer/explanation why my son seems to be possessed by the crybaby demon, but i do (think i) see a budding white lump in the back lower right hand side of his mouth. vin says he sees two white lumps budding under the gum int he lower middle. i don't know. i've googled the shit out of it (because what else can i do?), and while it seems like it's not a super common occurrence, it does happen, and the symptoms of his recent drooling/mouth bubbles, nonstop crying (including in his sleep), nursing but not eating and then spitting around my boob and sleep regression may all be signs/symptoms of teething. i mean, he's always been a bit of a fussbucket, but this is out of control. and if he is actually teething, it seems poor vin and i will never get a break from the insanity. he's so small he can't even hold a teething toy to bring to his mouth, let alone understand the correlation of giving himself something to self soothe.
my friend jenny sent me some chart that showed a correlation of age in weeks and 'stormy' and 'sunny' time periods. according to the chart, holden would be in a 'stormy' window. (goddamn right). and a 'sunny' break awaits us just a half a week away.
good lord, i hope so.
holden is my little hambone prince. i love the dickens out of him. he brings me so much joy and laughter and love. but he's also turning me into a sleep deprived zombie.
before i had him, i considered myself moderately impatient. that means i was probably super duper impatient if i was only aware of a moderate issue.
now? this kid is turning me into a goddamn saint in patience. only he, can put me through the trials and tribulations that i've gone through the past 9 weeks, and still keep me composed enough to smile and kiss his milky stinking head with 150% love in my heart. and the real test in patience? i'm not opposed to eventually having another one and going through it all over again.
does that make me a martyr, too? (please, oh please, i hope the little baby dinosaur lets me sleep tonight).
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