distractions.com

i need a partner in crime. or maybe two. i need someone to harp on me and make me motivated. someone to join me for bike rides to coffee shops or the library. someone to say 'hey jodi how's the jobhunt going' on a regular enough basis where i get annoyed enough to actually try to get a job just to shut them up. i need an apartment, but hopefully george is on that shit, might check out a couple places in bucktown on thursday. i need routines, i tried in vain to try and rejuvenate the book/craft club action but it seems everyone, albeit interested, are too preoccupied or busy. i tried to hang out with my family to strengthen ties there, but that was just temporary.

if i had a car, i'd go to minneapolis in a heart beat. the more i think these days, the more i wish i had more time. i fucking love chicago, this city, these people. but the only way i'm going to be in a better place mentally is to recreate myself and my situation. a change in scenery almost always helps. the last time i had a breakdown like the one last week was when i was 19. i wound up transferring schools across the state, and while i left a lot of close people behind who i still care for deeply to this day, i think i made the right choice. i didn't end up being miss popularity at uw-o like i was at uwrf, but i was grounded. i did meet mike, and i'm pretty sure that was meant to happen. so it was fate, i guess in a way. go batshit crazy, force yourself to make a change. that's the routine, anyway.

so now what change is it i'm supposed to  make now? it's too last minute to move anywhere, and i don't even think i'd want to if i could. i guess i wouldn't mind giving the fine folks of minneapolis a year of my life and then return to chicago, but in all honesty i think i'd get even more restless up there than i am here. but would a smaller city do me good? maybe. . . but moving is obviously out of the picture now. so what are my options? well obviously, i need a place to live. and i need a fucking job. this FUNemployment bullshit is beyond stale and i'm ready to leave my apartment before noon. only thing is even fucking waitressing jobs are damn near impossible to nab. i'm overqualified for all the shit i see posted, yet i can't even score an interview for anything. i let the temp agency know i'm finally ready to return to cubedom, just waiting on an opportunity. . . so yes, job, apartment, both obvious contenders in my race to return to sanity. but those both will take time. what's my instant gratification for happiness?

this i don't know. i have four writing assignments to work on. my best friend in the world is visiting me thursday. i have this new laptop i can actually take out to work in cafes and shit. i get to catsit in a couple weeks. but i still need more. thinking about a physical re-do and maybe cutting my hair. dying that shit. i don't know. i wish i had a pal who could whisper motivating slogans and keep me encouraged. i guess if molly could speak english, she might be able to help out. at least she's purring and laying by my arm right now, despite the a/c being turned off.

i can only relisten to edward sharpe's 'home' so many times before i go crazy. but happy fun songs are good. this is one of them. i recommend checking it out.

this ramble is not making any sense. i'm going to pick up my book and try to zone out. at least this typing felt semi-therapeutical in a way. oh, if only it were thursday now. maybe arlo is my savior and will help me turn this frown upside down, i sure hope so. . .